Is It Worth Turning Back? Draco Malfoy
by bePeterPan
Summary: Mollie Langston has never found her body to be up to par. No, in fact, she hates it. She hates herself. With low self-esteem comes the acceptance of bad treatment. This is no story about sugar coating an eating disorder.
1. Chapter 1

**Memo:** This is, so far, my favourite DM story I've written, so I'm moving it here which you'd know if you read profiles. But, well, it's short, I know. My original first one was long and cliche, so this seemed to fit better with the Draco I was going for. Not perfect yet, still making changes :)

**Draco's POV**

Mollie Langston hated me.

At least, it _felt_ that way to me. I never before understood why.

Maybe it was my reputation. That either gets a good reaction or a bad reaction to the students of Hogwarts.

But most of those stories? False. All those lies and rumours people had started? Not true.  
Mostly I spent my days practising Quidditch, learning magic, and eating.

Anyway, the reasong I'm mentioning this is because she just walked into the Great Hall. She was in between Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown: her best friends, or something like that. They're always together, making it impossible to ever get her on her own.

Her long brown hair was in a ponytail, and she was wearing her school robes over her pajamas. It was a pink shirt with white shorts. I had to smile at the sight of that. Must've been a late morning.

I kept watch of her as she sat down next to another friend, a _boy_ this time, Connor Tuck.

I heard a sigh next to me and I felt someone sit down next to me on the bench.

"Hey Drake, are you still thinking about that Mollie girl?" Pansy asked boredly.

"Um..."

"Yeah, I knew it. Look, why can't you just go talk to her? Is there anything wrong with that? She's not going to go Avada Kedavra on your ass."

"Look Pansy, it's not as easy as that okay? You've never had to go try asking out a girl who has protective Gryffindors watching her every single move."

She hung her head then looked up at the Gryffindor table with her eyes quickly, then focused them back to her plate.

Five minutes later she stood up and walked out of the Great Hall with some of the other students dispersing through the doors.

**Mollie's POV**

"Why does _Draco Malfoy_ always stare at you when we come in?" Pavarti asked in an annoyed tone.

"Yeah, no kidding," Lavender agreed. "It's really creepy. Is he planning to like murder you or something?"

I kept quiet. I knew exactly why he stared at me whenever he could. I wouldn't tell my friends or anybody the reason, because they'd freak out and become even more over-protective than they already were. I knew he practically was in love with me ever since the first year because when he was young and naive he would send me "Secret Admirer" letters, except he would sign some of them. Very, very naive. But it started out cute, like I thought he was cute. I didn't know he was a bad person, honestly, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I was being as naive as him.

And that's how we started a "secret relationship". I couldn't tell anyone because I wasn't allowed to date until Fifth Year, and he didn't tell...because...I guess he cared if I got in trouble or not. Meaning, if I got caught, he wouldn't be able to see me anymore. We never did anything while we were an item. No one knew. We just smiled to each other in the hallways, and secretly snuck outside to talk. I swear, I've never even kissed the bloke.

It only ended because our parents _did_ find out (never been able to figure out why) and my Mum and his father forbade us to _ever_ speak to each other again. And, being the good girl I was, I didn't. I just stopped. He kept on trying, sure. He tried like Hell. But I only ignored him.

When we got to our spot at the Gryffindor table, I sat down next to As I sat down next to Connor (who put his arm around my waist in an attempt to get closer to me...) Lavender and Parvati sat down next to me and began eating.

I, instead, ignored the food on my plate but shot one last look at Draco, probably the last time I'd do so this entire new Sixth Year.

But he was looking at Pansy Parkinson, and for that moment I felt inadequate compared to every other girl in the entire room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mollie**

"Are you sure you don't want to skip out on dinner with me and go outside?" I whined to my friends...unsuccessfully.

"Are you kidding me Mollie?" Parvarti asked me like I was joking with them. "I'm starving."

_**I figured as much.**_

"Oh come on, it's such a nice day..." I gave it one last shot, but I knew they wouldn't agree with me.

Instead Parvarti asked, "Why are you so desperate to get away from here? Is it the stares of all the boys or something? Are they just too much for you?"

Parvarti glared into her food. I felt bad, but what could I do?

"Oh, leave her alone Parvarti, she didn't do anything, she just isn't hungry this morning."

Lavender gave me a sympathetic look and went back to buttering her toast.

As the knife went across the toast making a very annoying scratchy sound, and the rest of the Great Hall started to get louder and louder of breakfast noises and conversations...I turned around to the side of me and looked out of the corner of my eye at Draco.

He was watching Pansy Parkinson walk away from him. She looked sad. I hoped they weren't in a fight, those two were such good freinds, or so it seemed.

Everyone knows that Pansy loves Draco though, he just doesn't know it yet.

And the worst part is, Pansy has come to terms with the fact that Draco wont really ever love her _in that way_.

I didn't want to be the one to take that away from her.

**Draco**

Pansy walked away from me. She rarely ever does that. She's starting to become so quiet...so, out of it.

Lately, everyone has been calling her a bitch. Or something like it.

Why would you say something like that? That's awful.

I just wonder why everyone has to be so angry all the time.

I guess it sounds totally lame, or whatever, but I mean, no one used to act like this.

People keep saying it's just how we grow older.

But I think it's the tension of the growing power of the Dark Lord.

Whatever.  
He's not coming back.  
Take it from me.

**Wham**

I felt a heavy slap on my right shoulder.

"Oww man! What the f-"

"Draco! Dude, I heard you got some action last night."

I was still a bit out of it from the hit on my back. I didn't recognize the voice.

I turned around slowly, while running my hand over my hair forwards so as to keep away any disgruntled hairs.

Besides... Action? What action? I haven't been getting _any_ in the past month.  
Trully, I haven't.

What I think it is, is either I've done all the girls and then hurt them, or it's been their friends whom I've hurt.

But none of them ever mattered to me anyway. I can't be bothered.

When I saw the proud look spread on Gregory Goyle's face, I had to laugh.  
He is so stupid.

Gregory Goyle always thought he and I were friends. So many people think they're friends with me. They think they have "connections" to the Draco Malfoy.

I'll tell you one thing, I'm not all that special.

There is only one other group of people who think that about me too.

Gryffindors.

Everyone else hates me because they love me, the guys want to be me, and the girls want to be with me.

I know that was a cheezy rip-off of some movie, but it's true about me too.

I also realize I said that I haven't been getting any action lately because girls know what I do to them, but I can tell they so wish I actually would love someone for once.

Perhaps them, they hope.

Well, if only they knew the real me. I really do love someone. I am a person, I am not a tool.

"Get away Goyle. You're breathing into my water."

"Oh, right, sorry man, I just, wanted to know who it was."

Who it was? Who it _was_?

_Time for some high class lying..._

"Oh, you know me and that new chick...whatserface? From Ravenclaw?"

"Dude, you mean-?"

"Yeah! Her! Yeah, we had a great time. Although she's a little slow, but I would give her a nine."

And just at that moment Casey Zimmerman walked by, linking arms with Jo Denhalae.

Who was Casey Zimmerman?.

Only the only girl in the school guys wanted to nail.

Yet, to me, she was just another girl. Maybe a distraction.

I didn't have feelings for her, just as she didn't have them for me. I never shagged her. I never went out with her. I hadn't really ever talked to me.

I only know she doesn't like me because her friend Jo told me how much Casey bitches on me.

Sort of like the whole school bitches about me.

But I don't think this hatred comes from jealousy. I think she truly truly hates me.

Good. I don't want any distractions.

When I looked away from Casey and Jo, I saw a site that made me want to run.

Anyway, what I saw was Lavender holding Mollie trying to comfort her, while Pavarti just walked behind them with her arms crossed, rolling her eyes. Mollie wasn't sobbing, she just had some tears running from her eyes.

If only I could go and help her...

I wanted to know what was happening to her. I feel for that girl you know.

I would've followed the three out of the door and listened in on their later conversation just to find out what was making Mollie cry, but that would've upped my status with them from weird to stalker. I didn't really want that type of attention.

So instead I had to stay back and listen as the heavy oak door slammed behind them. I don't think anyone really took notice of the three of them. Maybe the couple of Gryffindors sitting around them knew...

I looked to where they had been sitting, and sure enough, the girls that were still sitting there at the table were all whispering, rolling their eyes, or had interested looking faces plastered on.

I stood up, and walked towards the long Gryffindor table, set up in the middle of the room.

When the girls saw I was headed for them, they quickly stopped chatting and started to eat again. Some even became red in the face. Did I _really_ have that sort of effect on all people?

Anyway, when my legs touched the bench, and I looked all the five girls staring at me right in the face, I asked, "You guys know Mollie Langston right?"

They all simultaneously nodded.

"Cool. Anyway, I was wondering if you could tell me why she was crying."

"Pavarti called her fat," said a red head girl, staring down at her plate. I knew this girl.

She was one of my first shags. Her name was Emmie, and that's about all I knew about her.

I know that sounds like a total bastard, but it's the truth.

I doubt I could give you any last names to any of the girls I ever did.

Anyway...

_**Fat?!**_ Pavarti called her fat? I could understand if some random girl called her this...but _her best friend?!_

Why are girls always so mean to each other?

Night after night I usually find myself trying to comfort Pansy because of something some girl said about her.

Boys don't bitch about each other 24/7. Why do girls have to do it?

It didn't make Pavarti any skinnier by saying that anyway.

And why would _anyone_ think she was fat?

She looks like she weighs nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Draco's POV**

After thinking through this, I suddenly remembered where I was. I looked down into the sea of expectant faces of girls. A sea of girls...

Now that's peculiar. I wouldn't mind it, of course...

It was sufficiently awkward standing there staring at them, so I decided to leave.  
I couldn't remember if I finished my breakfast or not, but what did it matter? I wanted to go make sure Mollie's friend Connor Tuck wasn't trying to rape her.  
I don't think he really would. He doesn't seem like the type. He _seems_ like a nice enough bloke, but, what are you going to do? I'm sure any guy would love to pull of their pants at the sight of Mollie.

(I'd go Avada Kedavra on their ass.)

Or maybe I just needed a reason to go find her and make sure she was okay.  
Confront her.

I haven't said a word to her this whole term. I hate that feeling. I don't know what's going on with her. I remember in First Year when we "went out."  
We talked for hours.  
No, I'm fucking serious. We talked about classes and music and whatever else there is to talk about.

Have you ever stopped and wondered what it is exactly people talk about?  
There's small talk, and intellectual talk, and plan making talk, and more...but you'd think talking would be so boring.

I should probably quit while I'm behind, right?

Anyway, I followed the trail of curious onlookers who were only there to see what the fuss was all about.

Being tall really comes in handy when pushing your way through underclassmen.  
Second Year boys were leaning against the door to the the girl's first floor lavatory.

Lazy sods.

Just _open_ the door.

Of course, I wasn't going to do that. I didn't want to be the only boy in there.  
I left the scene just as McGonagall was picking her own way through the crowd.  
Stupid crowd. It's like none of them have ever seen a girl have a breakdown.

* * *

"So, did you guys hear about Langston's showdown with Patil in the loo?"

I wanted to throw a punch to that damn ...Goyle.

Anyway, I just threw a pillow at him and said jokingly, "Shut the hell up. I heard Brown joined in and they all started ripping out each other's hair."

God. I really hated myself when I acted this way. But, it's just I can't let _anyone_ know that I care for some girl.

I'm sure if some sentimental boy heard my whining about not being able to tell anyone my feelings...he'd slap me or something and yell at me to get off my ass and defend her once in awhile. He'd tell me I was lame and pathetic and not supportive. He would tell me that if I truly loved her that I wouldn't care what other people would think of me.

And, honestly, I wouldn't have anything to say to defend myself. What would I say? I know it's true, that I really should defend her when things like this come about, but it gets so hard. And I have an image to uphold.

Even in my own mind I humble myself quite often.

I felt the pillow hit me in the face.

"Ooomph."

Soon enough, the whole dormitory was in chaos. All of us having a pillow fight.

__________  
__________

**Mollie's POV**

I was still staring at Draco across the room, when a clang rang out around our table.

I turned to Parvati and found she was giving me the coldest look known to man.

"What _now_ Parvati?!" exclaimed an aggravated Lavender.

"Nothing," she breathed. "It's just I thought I saw an ounce of fat grow on her right thigh a bit ago."

I stood up abruptly and tried to slam my chair, when I realized that I wasn't even sitting in a chair in the first place. I tried fighting back the tears that had been building for a long period of time now, but this time, I just couldn't hold them in.

Lavender recognized the look in my face and stood up and grabbed me, or, violently hugged me. When we started walking off, I saw her turn around and give Parvati a death glare.

Parvati took it as her invitation to follow us through the doorway back up to our dorm.

The only thing that bothered me wasn't the fact that she called my thigh fat, but that she never _apologised_ for what she said. Even though being called fat, isn't exactly what I was looking for either.

* * *

The two of them dragged me to the lavatory on the main floor _instead_ of the dorm. They pretended not to hear my protests. I never felt comfortbale in this bathroom. Why'd they have to take me in here now?  
Lavender was trying to sush me, and she was comforting me telling me it will all be okay, but I just kept balling anyway. It felt like my body was going to cave in on itself, I was crying so hard.

Parvati flitted around dabbing my face with cotton and trying not to mess up the thin line of eyeliner and mascara that was already running down my face in a hapless fury.

Between sobs I was yelling at Parvati calling her a foul-mouthed weotch, and trying to tell Lavender to stop making such a fuss over me, that it wasn't such a big deal.

But she just justified the fact that it _was_ a big idea, with my swearing my guts out at Parvati.

The whole time Parvati just kept her lips tightly closed, and furrowed her eyebrows as she set to work caking my face in compact, since I had ceased to cry.

Suddenly, we heard a loud commotion erupt outside of the bathroom. I couldn't imagine something as trivial as a girl getting upset would cause this much chaos.

We heard a knock on the door, and then McGonagall's voice floated through the doorway, "Girls? Is everyone all right out there? I just got wind that something bad happened."

The three of us gave each other a knowing look, and burst out laughing. It was a private joke between the three of us that McGonagall was some sort of robot machine thing sent here to track our ...well... whatever it is we do. But still, just the fact that she had to _knock_ on the door of a _bathroom_?  
Besides, it felt nice laughing with the two of them. This whole morning had been really tense between us, and this just broke the ice. I was glad to have my best friends back.

Parvati yelled back in a sickenly sweet voice, "Oh yes, Ma'am, we're all perfectly fine in here. Just had a little mix up with a test grade is all."  
"Okay, as long as you're sure," she called back.

No one answered that. Sometimes it's better to enjoy moments in silence.

* * *

The next morning was Monday, and the three of us walked confidently with our arms linked, as we usually did. But something was different about the students today. As we passed they would all get uncommonly quiet and follow us with their eyes.

We didn't know how to take it. And obviously, neither did Parvati. Her temper got the better of her.

Because when we passed a couple of gossipy third years, she turned around and yelled at them, "Just what the _hell_ do you think you're talking about?!"

They shut up and didn't answer her. Of course, I don't blame them.  
Lavender and I shushed her and told her to cool down. Everyone was obviously just excited about the raucous we had caused yesterday in the loo.

As we walked into double Transfigurations, McGonagall gave us a meaningful look and raised her eyebrows.

I was secretly hoping she didn't hear us laughing at her through the door yesterday.

At least she didn't mention it or anything, she just went to the chalkboard and started lecturing, while the white chalk wrote out the key points of her lesson on transfiguring large tropical plants.

I quit listening and looked about the room for about the millionth time. I didn't need to hear this lesson anyway. When will I ever need to know how to transform a palm tree into a pin cushion? It just didn't seem very practical.

A scrap piece of parchment was inching towards my elbow which was propped up on the dark wood table. In Lavender's small but lovely scrawl it read,

"I can't believe Parvati still hasn't apologised to you about yesterday. She was way out of line. I feel really bad. I mean, I know you're going through a really tough time and all..."

I quickly jotted,  
"I KNOW. I'm still waiting for it too. Just don't tell her, okay? I want her to say she's sorry on her own terms. Besides, I know where she's coming from. She's just worried about me (like you of course) except she's taking it out on me, when she could be at least giving constructive criticism. "

I shoved the note back to her. Luckily, she sat right next to me in the back row. Poor Parvati who sat in the middle next to some short Slytherin boy with dirty brown hair, who seemed to have a chronic runny nose.

While I was wondering if there was any sort of spell that stopped your nose from running, the paper was in front of me once again.

"Don't worry love. I won't tell her.

Oh, and another thing, why is Draco always looking back here?! Do I have something on my face?"

Draco looks back at us?!

Since when did this happen? Well, maybe it's just I never look at him for fear of him catching me...

(Like all boys tend to do. You know what I'm talking about.)

In my peripheral vision I gave a quick once over at him, and sure enough he was facing Pansy talking to her, but all the while his eyes would shift and they'd be looking at our table.

I cringed. What did that weasel want now?

I checked Lavender's face to be sure he wasn't looking over at us because of that. It would've been a relief if that's all he was looking at us for. But to my dismay, Lavender didn't have a spot anywhere on her flawless skin.

My eyebrows furrowed.

_What the hell did he want?_


	4. Chapter 4

_**We left off...**_  
Draco looks back at us?!

Since when did this happen? Well, maybe it's just I never look at him for fear of him catching me...

In my peripheral vision I gave a quick once over at him, and sure enough he was facing Pansy talking to her, but all the while his eyes would shift and they'd be looking at our table.

I cringed. What did that weasel want now?

...My eyebrows furrowed.

What the hell did he want?

* * *

**Mollie's POV**

I wanted to write Lavender back, and ask her if Draco looks at us on a daily basis, but at that moment McGonagall was telling everyone that we had a new project due.

"You will have partners for this assignment," she began and everyone gave a sigh of relief. Until she continued, "Which _I_ will chose personally." Everyone groaned at the same time. "I'm very sure I know all your work ethic and you will be put into partners who will go together very convenietly," she glared at each one of us. "_If you don't_, I will make sure you two are pulled apart," she made a large arm movement by crossing her arms and then sweeping them away, "and can start over _on your own_."

I leaned slightly over to Lavender. "Why is she _always_ so dramatic?"

Lavender snickered a bit, but was caught, as usual, by our extrememly dramatic professor.

"Brown!" she exclaimed. "Come up here," she changed the sound of her voice, making it sickenly sweet and calm.

Lavender dubiously stood up, looked towards me and hesitated at her desk. McGonnagal didn't say anything, but just kept her stare ice cold.

Lavender walked up to the front, as the whole room held it's breath.  
"Is something funny?" her voice cracking on "funny".

"Obviously," Lavender retorted.

I couldn't believe it. That sounded like something Parvati would say.

The class erupted into laughter, as McGonagall wrinkled her brow and squinted her eyes down at everyone.

She was almost over her boiling point when she pointed to the back where I sat, and barked, "SIT DOWN!"

Lavener dutifully walked back, but while her back was turned gave me a proud smirk as everyone watched McGonagall to see what would happen next.

But it seemed she had regained her composure, and looked perfectly calm.  
I _knew_ she was a robot.

"Everyone stand up," she said in a cheery but very evil way.

The chairs in the room scraped back on the wood floors, and everyone stood up. No one wanted to disobey her today, when their whole partner revolved around how gratious she was feeling towards them.

"Mason and Tyrangiel."

A small blonde Slytherin girl headed towards the back where a tall boy with dark skin was sitting. They both looked extremely relieved.

"Potter and Brown," came the next pair.

Lavender squealed, sqeezed my hand which was resting on top of the desk and skipped over to the front where Harry was sitting.

"_Lucky bitch_," I breathed.

The list went on, until I heard Malfoy's name being called. I let out a large sigh, I _knew_ McGonagall would spite me and make me his partner or something.

But instead, I heard "Patil" shout out of her mouth. I was speechless.

Wait. Why would I be?

I had to think this through...

_Did I __**want**__ to be his partner or something? Did I wish McGonagall had paired me up with him?_

**No.** I kept telling myself. _The answer is __**no.**_

Parvati was about to stand up, but then across the room Draco stood up and smirked at her. It was her turn to look exasperated, and when he smirked at her she gave a very loud and very obvious groan and rolled her eyes.

I was still sitting there, until I realised all eyes were turned on me.

"What?!" I exlaimed. I hoped I didn't have a spot or something growing on my face.

"Langston and Krieve."

Krieve? Who the hell was Krieve?

That's when the boy who sits next to Parvati stood up and gave me some sort of very toothy grin. I'm sure it was supposed to be a warm greeting kind of thing, but to me it looked evil.

I very all of a sudden felt sick.

He sniffed. Well, more like snorted. The sound was not attractive. I couldn't believe I was made to be partners with him.

I would much rather have Draco.

I could see the symphathy in Lavender's eyes, and in Hermione Granger's eyes. I remember, she must've been his last parner.

He came over to where I was sitting and sat down in Lavender's seat.  
By that time everyone had broken off and quit looking my way, thank God.

"So," he began. "What do you think we should do for our project?"

I just stared at him. Should I take the mean approach or the nice approach?  
I chose nice..._for now_.

"Oh yes," I said, flashing him one of my very own fake toothy smiles. "I'd actually like to hear what your ideas are."

I really didn't give a rats ass what his ideas where. The truth was, I had no idea what the project was about. I hadn't really been listening.

He began naming off ideas. It seemed to me we were supposed to find a very rare plant and find ways people have mass duplicated it in the past.

And then, _we_ were supposed to find out why those methods worked or didn't work.

I tried keeping calm. I hope I didn't look too flustered. What sort of assignment was this?

_At least, uh, oh crap, I don't know his first name..._

_  
Anyway, at least Whoever You Are Krieve sounded very smart. At least this was going to be a joint grade. I hope he didn't mind if he did all the work, and I just sort of hung about giving random advise._

__________

**Draco's POV**

After our little "episode" in the dorm, which left all the boys unable to talk, since they had really realised what they were doing...I made plans in my head to take a walk around the school grounds. I wanted to find a nice young lady to walk with. I was so _bored_.

But instead, down in the common room, I saw none other than Pansy crying _again_.

Being her friend was a full time job. I really needed to find her a girl to hang around with. They know how to make each other feel better better than any boy can.

At least that's what I've always thought, but Pansy told me once that boys really make girls feel a lot better, because they seem more honest and open about things. Well, open to girls. No boy really opens up to another man.

_**Unless you're Blaise...**_

I shrugged off that thought and tried to creep out of the room without Pansy noticing. She had her knees drawn up to her chest and she was leaning against the couch. She didn't hear me leave.

Going up the stairs I ran into a fifth year Slytherin girl I had most likely seen before. She dropped her two text books and blushed when she saw who she had ran into. I squatted down to help her pick up one of the books, and when I handed it over to her, she blushed even deeper.

She had very sallow looking skin, but it looked very white in contrast to her shiny black hair. It was very long, and she had a lot of it. Her cheekbones protruded out, and she had a very sharp but small nose.

I guess I'd call her "cute" in a way, but, I didn't have much time to look at her.

Just when I was about to ask her to go on a walk, someone behind her called out, "Marian!" She turned her head backwards, then turned back to me.

"Thanks," she hissed, but smiled at the same time. Fucking PMSing girls.

Then she turned around and took the stairs two at a time, going back up again.

_**That was weird.**_

I shrugged that whole encounter off also, and finished my walk up the stairs. I took them one at a time instead of two like Marian had done.

* * *

I hated Transfigurations. I hated McGonagall. I hated Gryffindors. Then the school apparently thought it'd just be so _clever_ to put all those three things together. Like they wanted to spite me or something.

"Hmph," I hmphed to myself.

Pansy, walking next to me, sighed.

I took my anger out on her, "How many times do you have to sigh?! I know you're depressed, but you always seem so depressed, be happy for once in your life!"  
She just raised her eyebrows and gave a small smile. I knew at least it was a _real_ smile.

"Sorry, I know I'm about the most annoying friend anyone could have," she said half sarcastically.

"No, no you're not. Don't worry about it. My mum tells me you and her have been having 'ladies nights' and discuss...er...'lady issues' and she says you've been having it really bad," I explained. "I'm really sorry life is so fucked up right now. If it's any consolation, I know how you feel."

Pansy sighed. She knew I knew how she felt. We both were wanting something we couldn't _ever_ have. Maybe it was fate. Maybe one day we'd end up entwined together in love.

But probably not.

* * *

"Pull out your parchment and ink class. Today we're taking notes, and I expect full attention. No wandering eyes, nothing of the sort," McGonagall bellowed.

I pulled out some scrap parchment and placed it on the desk. Pansy did the same.

_-The Coniferous trees of South Africa are very important for healing wounds that come from everyday objects.  
i.e. Rusty nails, tripping over buckets and getting bruises..._

I scrawled quickly, forgetting the notes as our "professor" droned on. Besides, I'm sure I heard this shit back in Herbology probably in second year. The lecture didn't sound like it had much to do with Transfigurations. I wondered what McGonagall was up to.

I felt my eyes doing exactly what she had forbidden a couple of minutes ago. They were wandering.

They wandered all the way to the back where that lovely but fucking _forbidden_ girl sat.

She sat with her elbows on the table and her chin resting in her hands. She was staring at the front, but she wasn't blinking at all. I kept close watch for about two minutes. She _still_ hadn't blinked.

_What was wrong with her?_

I looked at Lavender sitting next to her. She was furiously scribbling something on paper.

_Well, isn't she just the model student..._ I thought nastily to myself.

But when she finished she moved the piece of paper over to Mollie, who jumped slightly as the paper hit her on the right elbow.

Her eyes moved over the paper, and then she hunched down and dipped her quil into the ink. Her beautiful long brown hair flowed over her shoulders and fell on the table.

She wrote something down, it must've been a long reply, because it took awhile for her to write it all out. Then when she finished she stuck the quil onto the table and shoved it back to Lavender.

But just then, Lavender had looked up; and before I could turn away, she saw me staring at both of them. She furrowed her brow as if she was trying to figure something out and I quickly turned back to face McGonnagal, who _still_ was talking about the bloody trees from Madagascar or something.

What the hell did I need this information for anyway?

I turned to Pansy and nudged her. She looked at me and gave a half hearted grin but then furiously whispered, "What do you want? Make it quick. I can't get any more detentions this term or I'm doomed."

I didn't really know what I was going to say to her, because I just needed a cover up to pretend I hand't _actually_ been staring at the two girls in the back.

"Uh," I began quietly. "Um, so are you coming to the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff this Saturday? Sure to be a blow off game," I finished lamely. I looked shiftily over to Mollie again.

_Oh fuck..._

She was watching me.

**it's harder than it seems  
you'll slip but never fall  
don't walk away from me  
**_**is it worth turning back?**_**  
despite these open hands  
you're tearing me apart**  
jimmy eat world


	5. Chapter 5

_**We left off...**_

She wrote something down, it must've been a long reply, because it took awhile for her to write it all out. Then when she finished she stuck the quil onto the table and shoved it back to Lavender.

But just then, Lavender had looked up; and before I could turn away, she saw me staring at both of them. She furrowed her brow as if she was trying to figure something out...

I turned to Pansy and nudged her. She looked at me and gave a half hearted grin but then furiously whispered, "What do you want?..."

I didn't really know what I was going to say to her, because I just needed a cover up to pretend I hand't actually been staring at the two girls in the back.

"Uh," I began quietly. "Um, so are you coming to the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff this Saturday? Sure to be a blow off game," I finished lamely. I looked shiftilly over to Mollie again.

_Oh fuck._

She was watching me.

__________  
__________

**Draco's POV**

I didn't know what to do just then. _Should I look away? Should I keep on staring?_ Those were the questions going through my mind. If I kept looking, she would get suspicious of me, and if I looked away she would be suspicious.

Either way, she still knew I had been looking at her.

Maybe I should play it off and start laughing quietly and nodding my head, acting as if Pansy had said something funny, but before I got my chance McGonagall changed the dynamic of her voice from "monotony" to "boisterous".

"Alright everyone, pay attention! We are starting a project about the way _wildlife_ can transform and help us in everyday life."

I sat there dumbfounded. She had the lamest ideas for project ever.

"You will have partners for this assignment, which _I_ will chose personally. I'm very sure I know all your work ethic and you will be put into partners who will go together very convenietly. If you don't, I will make sure you two are pulled apart, and can start over on your own."

Who did this woman think she was?

I was hoping to be able to pick my own partner. I didn't want to end up with some Gryffindor which by sure she would do, because she practically hates me with all fibres of her being.

If you call her life "being".

To me, any old fool dim enough to work at a school has obviously, no life.

But then, McGonagall started to glare, and I was afraid that all of a sudden she could read minds, and was currently focusing her new found talent into my brain.  
But no, thank God. She just yelled, "Brown!" and told her to come up to the front.  
When Lavender Brown was at the front, McGonagall asked her if something was funny.

Those sort of questions I don't get either. Lavender obviously must have been laughing, and you laugh when something is funny, so _yes_, dear McGonagall, something was _very_ amusing to Miss Brown.

Lavender must've been thinking the same thing as me, because she said, "Obviously."

Everyone around me, except for me, started to laugh.

I didn't find that very funny. I had thought of it first. Damn Gryffindors.

Now I remember why I don't meddle with them.

* * *

I am paired with Pavarti Patil. I see no good coming out of this.

I don't want to be affiliated in any way, shape, or form with _anyone_ being bitchy to or about Mollie.

I guess it's better than Potter. Or that Weasel.

But poor Mollie who got stuck Krieve. _Lyle_ Krieve.

I would be partners with _Harry Potter_ just so she could be partners with _anyone_ but Krieve.

* * *

Patil has said that she wants to do the whole project herself and she doesn't care that means we have to share a grade and I wont be doing anything. All I have to do is follow her around and make it look like I'm doing something. She obviously doesn't trust me, but I don't care.

Fine with me. It's just a lot more free time to do whatever else I need to get done.  
Oh right, nothing. Ha.

We're supposed to go to the library tonight though to pick out some lovely _greenery_ to report on.

* * *

Kudzu. Kudzu is some ivy that spreads like mad, and Kudzu is what we're reporting on.

_How enthralling._

So anyway, I was just sitting there, and twirling a muggle pen in my fingers, and trying to catch it, when Mollie and her partner walked in.

Pavarti saw her and waved her over to _our_ table. I raised an eyebrow and slowly gulped, but then just as she sat down (next to me) I started to choke on that swallow and cough in a very obnoxious, unappealing, and very unattractive way.

She seemed so relaxed around me. How does she do that?

_**Because she doesn't like you back...**_ my mind instantly reminded me.

Why does love always have to be unrequited for the people who deserve it, but returned to the people who, honestly, _don't_?

Or why is life just shit?

Anyway, I couldn't believe I was actually choking on my own spit during one of the only times I will get in my life to make a lasting impression on Mollie.

Pavarti just looked disgusted, while Krieve asked, "Alright mate?"

I was still sort of clearing my throat, but through the coughing I managed to say, "Yeah, just fine."

Mollie looked sort of concerned. I was shocked. I thought she might be a bit weirded out.

When I finally stopped I just gave her a nod as if to say, "No animosity."

She did the same and then turned to Krieve and started conversing about giraffes or something. I was too preocupied trying to fix my hair really quickly before she turned back around and it was still disheveled.

Krieve and Mollie must have had the same arrangement as Pavarti and I did. Krieve seemed to be taking charge and taking all the notes whilst Mollie just sat there and kept wrapping her fingers around her wrists.

_What_ was she _doing_?

"What are you doing?" I asked. The three of them looked up, wondering if it was I who was talking to them because no one had said anything for the past fifteen minutes.

I was looking right into Mollie's eyes, and so she knew I was talking to her. Before she said anything, I suddenly felt very odd. Her eyes really _were_ grey. I knew I could remember.

They were a very deep grey. Sad and grey. Like they only see the world in black and white. Like even though she can tell what's what, she _can_ see right through you.

"I am wrapping my fingers around my wrist, is all," she said in a very slow voice. Her voice was so pretty, I hadn't heard it in a long time. She never talked out loud in class, and we weren't exactly friends, so it had been awhile. Her voice was one of those welcomed sounds. One of those sounds your whole body calms at when you listen to it.

By this time, Parvati and Krieve had gone back to taking notes out of their texts, and I went on watching Mollie sit there quietly. She didn't do anything else, most likely afraid I would talk to her again.

I knew she wasn't shy, but why would she want to avoid me?

__________

**Mollie's POV**

So _Lyle_ (I found out his first name from Parvati) Krieve and I had to go get a head start on our project tonight. We were going to the library.

Parvati and Draco were going also apparently. Parvati said she doubted he would turn up though, since he obviously detested her and the project.  
"Oh, who doesn't Parvati," I whined.

She snorted and went back to picking up lose clothes on the floor of our room. Lavender was off somewhere with Harry.

I was imagining the two of them off together and sighed. I _really really_ did rate him. I don't know what was so repulsive about me.

Parvati saw me looking at myself in the mirror and kindly said, "Who is that gorgeous girl in the mirror? Could it be Mollie Langston?"

I turned away from the image of myself and walked out of the room. I didn't need cheering up right now.

Down in the common room Connor was sitting in an armchair across from Seamus Finnigan in the other chair. They were just keeping quiet, except staring at each other and not breaking eye contact. I walked down the rest of the stairs and sat down on the arm of Connor's chair.

I expected him to look up at me, but he must not have known it was me, because he kept right on staring at Seamus.

"Oi! Finnigan! If you keep your face that way long enough, it'll freeze like that!" I yelled at him teasingly.

He blinked and then shook his head a little. Both he and Connor looked at me then.

"Funny one Langston. You're a right laugh," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I know," I smiled at him. That's when Connor put an arm around my waist and pulled me down onto his lap.

He put both of his hands onto the sides of me and told me with a very serious face that I had ruined his game and was in big trouble. I started laughing, but he kept a straight face the whole time he was "reprimanding" me.

That's when I stood up, grabbed his hand and pulled him up also. "C'mon, let's go before we're late to...um...what class do we have next?"

He smiled again, "You are so forgetful sometimes. We have History next, but not for another two hours. This is our free period."

I felt very dumbfounded. I was very sure I had a class right now.

He started laughing again and said, "Yes, we do have a class right now, but I don't really remember what it is either, so what I'm saying is we should just skip...I mean, I haven't seen you since this morning in Transfigurations."

"That was an hour ago."

"Well, then, this hour seemed to take a thousand years."

He was so sweet. Lavender and Parvati told me he was in love with me, and practically put me on this pedestal.

A place I didn't belong.

* * *

Connor and I ran outside into the sun, because the inside always felt so dreary at this school. We neared the gate and sat down on a large empty patch of very green grass.

He told me to lay down on my back, because we were going to watch the clouds float by.

Like I said before, he was so sweet. What kind of boy will lay on the ground with you for an hour and watch clouds and just take in each other? Not many, let me tell you.

* * *

I met Krieve outside the library, and we crept in, intending not to disturb Madam Pince. She's scared me ever since I first went in here as an 11 year old.

We got past her, and entered the "K" section, which is where I found Parvati and ...Draco.

Oh dear. Krieve took the seat next to Parvati, which meant I had to sit next to Draco.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I don't even know why I was freaking out so much. I didn't even like him. He was just some weird creep that I used to be friends with a long time ago.

When he saw I was sitting next to him, he started coughing violently.

I hoped he was okay, I mean, I don't have a death wish for anyone.

Krieve asked if he was alright, and when he calmed down enough to answer, he said he was just great.

Parvati looked disgusted and most likely a little angry. I bet she was wondering why she had to put up with a prat like Malfoy. Something like that.

But something in the back of my mind has always told me that there was more to him than meets the eye. That is why I must always be so worried when I'm around him. That's all it is. Nothing more, nothing less.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Draco asked, breaking the silence, and awkward silence between the two of us.

Parvati and Krieve looked up expectantly, wondering if he was talking to them.  
I looked at him and he was staring intently right back at me. He was giving me a hard stare. Well, at least his face seemed a bit tense, but his eyes were soft and _dare I say this_ playful.

I looked down because it was uncomfortable to have such eye contact with him. We were practically strangers nowadays.

That's when I saw my right hand was gripping my left wrist tightly.

_Oh, he wants to know why I grip my wrist like this.  
I better not say anything too obvious..._

"I am wrapping my fingers around my wrist, is all," I ended up saying. I wasn't that creative anyway.

The rest of the time we were in there, he kept his eyes on me. I could see him watching in my peripheral vision. I was just determined not to look at him.

He was watching me, like it was his intention to protect me. He knew how very vulnerable I was.


	6. Chapter 6

_**We left off...**_

The rest of the time we were in there, he kept his eyes on me. I could see him watching in my peripheral vision. I was just determined not to look at him.

He was watching me, like it was his intention to protect me. He knew how very vulnerable I was.

__________

**Draco's POV**

When we were all done (er, I should say, when _Parvati_ was all done) she walked away, but something held me back.

I waited until Krieve had shut his final textbook of the night. He stood up to his full 152 cm and looked down at Mollie.

"Can I escort you to your dormitory?" he questioned nervously as she looked up at him.

I clenched my fist.

"No," she replied curtly. "Haven't we been over this? This is a _school_ project, and once this is over, it's _over_."

I smiled a little. Was that Mollie being _mean_? I was beginning to like her more and more every day...

Krieve looked hurt, but that quickly passed because he just grabbed his parchment and walked quickly out of the library. Turning one of the corners he tripped and we both heard a muffled "Oompf." Molly and I both snickered a little, but then stopped at the same time.

I looked down at her and asked if I could walk with her back to her dormitory.  
She gave me a questioning look. I knew she was thinking things over. She knew I had a bad reputation. She knew I was an asshole. Suddenly I felt very stupid for asking her that. I hoped she didn't think I was just trying to get into her pants. Which, would be kind of hard, since she wasn't wearing pants. I noticed she was wearing a skirt. It was brown and went just under her knees.

"Okay," she answered. She didn't smile or anything, so I had a feeling she was doing this reluctantly. Like she felt she owed me this. I never did anything for her, that made her want to pay me back.

I asked her if I could carry her parchment for her, and half expected her to decline when she surprised me once again by agreeing with that. I rolled up her parchment and held it in my left hand.

All the way through the library we didn't say a word. It wasn't like there was even an uncomfortable silence between us. Something about Mollie made the silence welcome. She made me feel like through the silence she was telling me _everything_.

I realised something, walking up to the changing staircases.

I realised how stupid I was for asking Mollie if I could walk her to her dorm. Honestly, _what_ did we have to say to each other?

_**Nothing Draco. She is a Gryffindor and you are a Slytherin. You two are polar opposites, and she shouldn't even be allowed to **_**look**_** at you**__._

I shook that thought out of my head. I get those often. They aren't really my thoughts most of the time. It's my father's influence that keeps reverberating in my brain. He's scarred me with his shit. I believe him too.

But at least she's a pureblood.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

Not in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine letting myself be alone with Malfoy.

I used to tell myself all the time _**Never again Mollie. He's bad news.**_

But I also needed to stop thinking those thoughts. They were my mother's thoughts, not mine. It was like I was never free to ever vouch an opinion in my own life. She was just destroying my thought process. _She_ was the one who told me never to even _look_ at another Malfoy in my entire life.

She would murder me if she found out I was walking with him.

* * *

I could feel his tension. I just wanted to tell him to relax, that I wouldn't do anything to him. _**Unless he tried something first...**_

We reached the staircases, and as we stepped on the first one, it change and sent us in the direction of Ravenclaw.

"Hmm. This is unfortunate," I commented.

Draco mustered a smile onto his face, "Quite."

"I wonder what it'd be like to be a Ravenclaw. You know? They seem so out of it," I considered, then I realized how loony that must have sounded so I continued, "Or not. Just wondering."

He laughed a little and then said, "I wonder what it'd be like to be a Hufflepuff actually. _They're_ the ones who seem more out of it."

"Imagine this," I began laughing to myself. "Being a Hufflepuff in love with plants. I'm sure they're having a heyday with McGonnagal's unit on plants. This project will be in the bag for them...I don't even know why that's funny, but I find all Hufflepuffs sort of stupid."

He didn't laugh. He just sort of stopped walking and whispered, "Do you want to try and get into the Ravenclaw dorms?"

"And how do you suppose we do that?"

"Oh, I know a way," he smirked.

That smirk gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

That is when my stomach gave a loud grumble. I _knew_ Draco would hear it.  
He looked sort of incredulously down at my midsection, with raised eyebrows. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Supper."

"What did you eat? Celery?"

Actually, that had been what I ate. Either he was really good at guessing, or really good at spying on me and not letting me know.

"No. I had ham and watercress."

"Oh, alright. Anyway, when we get up to the Ravenclaw dorms, you stand around pretending to look at the portraits, and I'll chat up --" he stopped short of what he was saying, thought better of it, and said, "I'm going to get the password."

"Whatever," my attitude had changed about him ever since he asked me about supper.

He looked hurt, and I felt bad for him suddenly. I knew he felt stupid about his plan now, because I made it seem like I thought it was stupid. So I graciously smiled and tried to make him feel better, "Just be careful about getting caught."  
He returned the smile and continued, "...and once I've gotten inside, I'll pretend I've forgotten something and come get you!"

His plan really was sort of genius. He seemed really nice too. I really never knew _what_ everyone has got against him.

Oh right, I remember. The fact that he loathes Harry with all his being.  
I egged him on, making a little "shoo" motion with my hands, "Alright, go on then, find a nice girl and get the password."

So that's how I found myself standing by a painting of five men playing cards in the middle of the jungle, waiting for Draco Malfoy to take me to the Ravenclaw dorms.

It gave me a lot of time to mull over the fact that he and I were acting all chummy.  
I didn't have long to think about it though, I was getting really drowsy and feeling weak again.

_**Oh, why can't there be a magical charm that will whisk away all the fat off of my body...**_

"Mollie! Get over here!" Malfoy whispered briskly, interrupting a lovely daydream of me being small.

"Coming," I said dreamily, and hurried over to the metal doors that locked away the Ravenclaws.

Inside, the tower reminded me somewhat like Gryffindors. Only the furniture was navy blue and so was the wallpaper and carpet.

I forgot who I was walking in with and asked Draco if he agreed. He looked puzzled and then began to snicker.

"What's so funny?" I asked, and then thought about what I had just asked. Then I started laughing also, until Draco shushed me.

"Shut up Mollie! A Ravenclaw could find us at any moment," he warned.

Then a girl's voice resonated from the stairwell, "Oh Draco! Is that you? Did you find the--you know..."

"Why y-" he began, but I hit him on his arm to make him be quiet.

"What now?" he whispered.

"Don't be so daft! If she comes down she'll know I'm here!"

She called out again, "No? Well, if it _is_ you, I'll be waiting upstairs! Don't worry, I've charmed the stairs so they won't turn into a slide on you."

Her voice was annoyingly high and catty.

"Where did you find that piece of work, Malfoy?" I teased.

"Shut up, she was the only girl around. Besides, I might get expelled if I were to be caught with a Second Year."

I hit him again. _Playfully_ this time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Draco's POV**

_**Pureblood.**_

_**  
Pureblood.**_

_**  
Pureblood.**_

That word echoed around in my head for quite sometime. I suddenly couldn't believe myself. I suddenly didn't want to be me anymore. I couldn't think of anything I wouldn't do to become anyone else at that point.

_Pureblood?_ What did it _matter_?!

I detested myself then.

I wanted to be the boy, no _man_ (no matter how awkward that word sounded) that Mollie craved. That Mollie _needed_. This Draco Malfoy, the one I have become, is not him.

She needed a Connor Tuck type boy. That's what she really wanted. Or a Harry Potter type. A _hero_. Someone _nice_. Yes, as much as it hurt to say it, Harry Potter was a much better person than I. Yes, he had quite a liking for heroics, but at least he helped people. All I did was hurt them.

I was tense. I was angry at myself. I wanted to hex something. I wanted to jinx the first person to walk by me.

Luckily, nobody was around when Mollie and I stepped onto the first step of the closest staircase.

When the staircase changed, causing it to jerk abruptly I almost lost my balance. I glanced at Mollie I was glad to see she had been facing the other way.

"This is unfortunate," she commented sincerely. I guess she was talking about the fact that we were now headed towards Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor.

I was still angry, but I didn't want that to show. I forced a smile, "Quite." I should start smiling more. Maybe people will stop with their complaints about how I am such a prat.

"I wonder what it'd be like to be a Ravenclaw. You know? They seem so out of it," Mollie said, but then seemed to think better of it. "Or not. Just wondering."  
I had to laugh at that. I've always known she was cute.

"I wonder what it'd be like to be a Hufflepuff actually. They're the ones who seem more out of it."

Which brought us onto a nice little chat about how much it must suck to be in Hufflepuff.

Then, I had an idea. I wanted to make Mollie happy, so I thought this would be great.

"Do you want to try and get into the Ravenclaw dorms?"

"And how do you suppose we do that?" she inquired.

_**Hah! How do I suppose?**_

Was she being coy or was she really that daft?

But the grumbling of her stomach brought me back. I mentally scolded myself for being...as all the Gryffindors would mutter under their breaths, _"...such a prat."_

I raised my eyebrows at her too. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Supper."

"What did you eat? Celery?" I really didn't know what she ate at dinner. I didn't see her. I only said celery too because apparently it has negative calories, which, being a boy, I don't understand.

"No. I had ham and watercress."

_**Lies. Mollie, I know you lie. This whole bloody school knows you lie. **_Eat!  
But, as I sighed, I couldn't exactly let on to her what I knew. Especially after now she's speaking to me.

So instead, I pretended to shrug it off like I believed her and told her my plan.

The plan was I was going to find a nice Ravenclaw girl, and in a special way...I will get the password from her. Which then, I will follow her upstairs to a dormitory and pretend I forgot something. Then, I'll have to run back downstairs and get Mollie so we can go in together.

The whole plan worked perfectly. I had found a very dim looking fifteen year old girl with short brown hair, and she, fool that she is, believed every lie I fed her (About how exquisite her eyes were, and they were only _brown_).

When I had managed to sneak Mollie in after finding the password ("Quaffle") the Ravenclaw girl called from upstairs to me.

"Oh Draco! Is that you? Did you find the--you know..."

"Why y-," I began. For a split second I forgot who I was in company with. She hit me on my arm lightly to shut me up.

"What now?"

"Don't be so daft! If she comes down she'll know I'm here!" Molie reminded me.  
Mentally I hit my head against the wall. Of course I didn't do that in person, I would look like a loony doing that...but I still felt stupid.

Once again, ugly Ravenclaw girl yelled, "No? Well, if it is you, I'll be waiting upstairs! Don't worry; I've charmed the stairs so they won't turn into a slide on you."

God, if she yelled any louder I think Dumbledore might hear.

_**Not that that old madman even **_can_ hear..._ I leered to myself.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

The way that Ravenclaw girl yelled down to Malfoy made my breath catch. She sounded so innocent behind all that...well..._passion_. She sounded desperate.

I began to ask myself, _**What if I wasn't here with him? Would he being running upstairs with this girl and going to bed with her?**_

I couldn't believe how I was acting! Malfoy would never change. He was brought up and bred this way. He was a Malfoy, and in the back of his silly little boy mind, he knew it too.

I jumped up from behind the couch where we were crouching. I felt really silly crouching there next to him. I was sixteen and afraid of being caught!

"Well Malfoy! This was...uh...fun..." I didn't continue but instead ran out of that common room like the Whomping Willow was after me.

Of course I expected Malfoy to follow me. He would ask me if everything was okay, and pretend to really care about me, but once I left, he would go straight back to that girl and...

I couldn't finish my thought either because just as I had predicted I felt a strong hand grabbing my arm tightly, and then loosening. He felt like he would break my bone.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked in genuine annoyance, his eyes glazed over, and were not friendly anymore.

What was this? Some sort of tactic to get me into bed?!

"Where do you think I'm going! This was the stupidest thing I have ever done!" I screamed, just a little too loud. Hopefully I didn't wake anybody up at this hour.  
"Okay, go!" he spat in uncontrollable anger. "Go back to your stupid Gryffindors and your stupid Scar-faced Potter!"

"Fine, I will," I screeched indignantly, my eyes flickering up and down. Even though, of course, I wouldn't be going back to "Scar-faced Potter." We weren't even friends. "I don't even know what the bloody hell I was thinking, walking around with _you_."

I swear, when I said his name with such hate, I thought I saw the corners of his mouth turn down like he was going to _cry_. But then he scrunched his nose like he was smelling something bad, and turned right back around into the Ravenclaw common room.

From behind the closed door, I heard a faint yell, "Oh Maggie! Here I come," like he was an old man coming home to his faithful wife.

* * *

Back in the common room, I sat down on the old scarlet couch and stared into the fire.

"Mollie?" I jumped and turned around quickly. I was always on my guard lately. My senses had been sharpening.

"Oh lovely! It is you Mollie!" squealed an overjoyed Lavender. Her words were slurry.

"Go to bed Lavender," I said evenly. I didn't want to take out my anger on her. Especially when she was drunk.

"Oh but Mollie! I can't! Harry said he'd be right back!" her words were stringing together, but I could understand. I was sort of used to this. I also knew that she had no idea what she was talking about (as per usual). Harry wouldn't be coming back. He probably told her this and then he made a run for it. Lavender can be very scary when she knows what she wants.

So, instead of being a bad friend and ignoring her (which I would've really liked to do because my head was beginning to throb from lack of energy) I stood up and wobbled over to her. She was sprawled onto one of the high back wooden chairs near the tables.

Poor Lavender. I think some days she feels worse than me.

In her hand was a large bottle of normal Muggle whiskey still condensating even though it was almost gone. I grabbed the bottle from her and in a mocking voice, just to keep us both laughing, I scolded, "Lavender Alice Brown! You keep away from this stuff! It'll rot not only your liver but your brain too! And you know what next! Your pretty face!"

She giggled. But I think she might've thought maybe I was telling the truth. Maybe I was. I didn't know the exact effects of drugs and alcohol. I knew my mum always told me not to drink because it would dry up my liver. And that's all she said about any sort of brain meddler. (That's also what she calls them. Always in her thick Scottish accent she goes, "Now Mollie! Stay away from it all. They addle your brain, those brain meddlers!" and then she will giggle like a little school girl, or like Lavender was giggling, because when she warns me, she is drunk off her bum as well).

With the bottle still in my hand, I considered it and took a swig. Then another. There were only about five left since Lavender had already drunk herself, um, drunk. But I still drank those last drops feverishly. The clear brown liquid burned and made my eyes tear. I loved that feeling.

I sat down in the other uncomfortable chair next to Lavender and just sat with her. Sometimes when things aren't going so well, it's nice to just sit with people.  
The events of the past week seem to blend together in a blurry movie reel and in all that time, I must've fallen asleep because when I woke up, the lights were on and I was staring into the face of Professor McGonagall.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Where We Left Off...**_

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked in genuine annoyance, his eyes glazed over, and were not friendly anymore.

What was this? Some sort of tactic to get me into bed?!

"Where do you think I'm going! This was the stupidest thing I have ever done!" I screamed, just a little too loud. Hopefully I didn't wake anybody up at this hour.

"Okay, go!" he spat in uncontrolling anger. "Go back to your stupid Gryffindors and your stupid Scarfaced Potter!"

"Fine, I will," I screeched indignantly, my eyes flickering up and down. Even though, of course, I wouldn't be going back to "Scarfaced Potter." We weren't even friends. "I don't even know what the bloody hell I was thinking, walking around with _you_."

__________

**Draco's POV**

Mollie startled me when she stood up all of a sudden. She seemed to have changed her mind about our "escapade" because she started mentioning how she should leave.  
She walked off through the Ravenclaw doors, and I followed her. She was storming off in what looked like a mad fit.

When I got ahold of her arm, I cold feel her arm tensing, so I let go of the pressure I held on her skin. Her thin, pale skin.

What was making her mad? How dare she just walk away from me?!

"Where do you think you're going?" I demanded as soon as she started to get out of the firm grasp I held on her.

For a second she look frightened. I felt terrible. I was acting like such a bastard. But as the second went by, she hardened her features and she looked almost fearless.

"Where do you think I'm going?! This was the stupidest thing I have ever done!" she exlaimed. She was spewing. I'm sure there was steam coming off the top of her head, but I wasn't looking there. I was staring deep into her eyes as if the answer might be right behind those pale eyes.

Then I understood. Well, I think I did. Back when we were crouching down behind that couch, she must've realized that she was hanging out with Draco Malfoy, and she was afraid I might try to seduce her or something.

That hurt.

But the hurt turned into true anger and I sputtered convincingly, "Okay, go! Go back to your stupid Gryffindors and your stupid Scarfaced Potter!"

That's what she wanted anyway. Stupid Potter. She could have him for all I cared.

"Fine I will!" she finished indignantly. "I don't even know what the bloody hell I was thinking, walking around with _you_."

What? My heart skipped a beat. Not a nervous skip, but more like a terrible heart-wrenching skip. Like I was drowning. Only not peacefully. Like those words she threw at me were the waves and I was too dumb to duck.

But I kept my face neutral and turned back around into the Ravenclaw common room.

_**Fine. If this is how she would be thinking of me, I could live with it. It would be hard, but I know I could put up with it.**_

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a terrible searing headache.

"Oh-eugh-grroghhh" I groaned miserably.

Then, the heavy words of Professor Snape brought me back, "Relaxed Malfoy?" I could hear the sneer in his voice. Ever since my mother told him how I never listened to my father, he's been very "upset" with me. I hated not being his star pupil. I don't know why, but it made me feel even _lower_ than I already had been with Potter.

He's a hard guy to live up to.

"So _Draco_," a contemtuos grin formed on Professor Snape's face. "This morning I was very alarmed to find out that not only a student, but a very well behaved student in _my_ house had, let's say, _spent the night_ in the bed of a _Fourth Year Ravenclaw!_" His voice rose in fury. "How dare you! You know, you could be expelled for behaviour like that!"

He had stood up in his rage which made me cower slightly in the chair I had apparently just woken up in. I wondered if they had levitated me all the way back to Snape's office.

Professor Snape sat back down and finished sardonically, "But since you are one of my favourites, I will not expel you, but instead I will take 20 points from Slytherin and write a note home to your parents."

He sat back and waited for the look of shock I was supposed to have. I could tell he wanted me to beg him not to write home.

I wouldn't beg. Did he really believe I was simple enough to get down on my knees? Besides, I knew my father wouldn't even punish me for this sort of disorderly conduct like this. He'd probably be proud or something...

"Okay. Do whatever you like Professor, I'm okay with it," I said heedlessly.

Snape clutched the arms of the chair he was sitting in and glared menacingly at me, "One more foot out of line, and you will be on the next train home! Do you understand me Draco!"

"Sure, I get it."

"Now, GET OUT!"

I had never heard that sort of volume come out of his mouth.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

"Where in the world do you two girls get the idea to do such a thing? You two have been screwing around in my house far too long..."

_**If looks could kill...**_I recited the old cliche. I turned towards Lavender standing next to me who looked pale and positively frightened out of her wits. In a friendly move I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and squeezed. Terrified, she turned her head and looked at me. I was trying to mentally send her a message. In my head I was practically screaming, "_DON'T WORRY! IT'S OKAY! DON'T WORRY! IT'S OKAY!_" But, it must take a long time to master that sort of psychological..._intelligence_.

Anyway, as McGonagall was ranting and raving looking livid as usual, I looked around her office (Still with a hard grip onto Lavender's wrist. She was famous for fainting). There was nothing I hadn't seen before.

"I could expel you two right now! Yes Miss Brown, RIGHT NOW!"

"P-p-please don't," Lavender pleaded, without much gusto I might add.

I was surprised at Lavender in a way. Usually it's Snape she gets scared of and McGonagall doesn't bother her at all. I mean, for example, yesterday in Transfigurations Lavender stood up and talked back to McGonagall and didn't even break a sweat. Maybe it's the threat of expulsion. Lavender would die without a daily social setting. She thrives on gossip and getting nosy.

"But, I won't," I heard Lavender sigh next to me. "But, I _will_ be suspending you for the rest of the week, the next Quidditch match and Hogsmeade trip and also take 5 points from each of you."

_**10 points?! McGonagall has never taken more than 5 from her own house. She was angry.**_

"Also, the actions of the past night have caused me deep concern for the rest of the school. If you two Sixth Year girls got your hands on some," with this she held up the brown bottle of whiskey and looked at it in disgust like it was poison. "Common Muggle drink, what is the rest of the school doing?"

Oh blimey. She did _not_ want to find out.

Lavender gasped. Too late. McGonagall heard.

"Oh, so you do know the comings and goings at this school now Miss Brown?" she inquired.

Laveder had regained her composure ever since McGonagall had said she wouldn't expel us, "No Professor. I'm sure that nothing else goes on. This is quite a top-notch school, and no students would ever do much more to ruin our reputation."

McGonagall didn't seem pleased with this lie.

"Well, we will see..."

I was tired of this conversation and was eager to _enjoy_ my week off with Lavender.

"I think we're done here Professor, may we go?"

"Yes Miss Langston. You two are free to go."

* * *

"Ha, that old robot bat is so stupid sometimes," Lavender commented, acting as if she had never been scared of her.

I smiled at her and linked my arm with hers, "C'mon, let's go have a peek at the Herbology lesson going on this morning. We can make fun of Parvati stuck in there watering magical trees."

"But Mollie, what about breakfast?"

"Too late for that! It's already 10:30, thanks to McGonagall keeping us."

The mentioning of McGonagall seemed to trouble Lavender.

"Mollie?" Lavender said. "Mollie, what did I say last night?"

I never lied, "You told me you were waiting for Harry Potter."

"Ha!" Lavender chortled. "Did I really? That's funny."

I didn't realize she would find that funny, but, Lavender Brown was full of surprises.

"Why's that?"

"Well, you want to know what I usually ramble on about? Well, mostly it's how much I hate my hair and-and how much I love Harry and there was this one time where I mentioned a dream I had about Professor Trelawny prophesizing my popularity in the real world."

"The drunken mind speaks the sober heart!" I exlaimed, playfully slamming my fist onto my chest in mock triumph.

We both giggled, but then I became very grave. I had a question I had been dying to ask somebody, and I think Lavender was the only person around who could answer.  
Lavender must've known what was coming, "Lavender, what do I speak about."

"O-Oh, you know, normal teenage things, like-like I do," she rambled.

"No, really. What do I say?" I questioned seriously.

She sighed, "Mollie, I'm worried about you. Mostly you talk about how fat you are and how you refuse to eat. You talk about your parents and the way they neglect you. You talk about your whole family always leaving you only to come home drunk off their bums and not giving a rat's ass what you get into. The last time I was sober enough to hear, you mentioned your mum and the way she told you never to speak to Malfoy. I don't know why it bothered you enough to talk about, but apparently it did."

I hung my head solemnly. "Lavender," my breathing was getting heavy. Suddenly I couldn't find the air. This awful feeling washed over my body. Dread. Anxiety. I felt like somebody had pushed me over, but then I was surprised to find myself still standing on two feet. My head was getting heavy, but at the same time I felt like I was flying. "Lavender," I said again. "Lavender, I think I need help."  
With those last words in the air I heard a heavy crack and someone yelling "Ow!" I couldn't be sure if it was my words or somebody's else's.

Everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Where We Left Off...**_

I hung my head solemnly. "Lavender," my breathing was getting heavy. Suddenly I couldn't find the air. This awful feeling washed over my body. Dread. Anxiety. I felt like somebody had pushed me over, but then I was surprised to find myself still standing on two feet. My head was getting heavy, but at the same time I felt like I was flying. "Lavender," I said again. "Lavender, I think I need help."  
With those last words in the air I heard a heavy crack and someone yelling "Ow!" I couldn't be sure if it was my words or somebody else's.

Everything went black.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

I kept hearing faint whispers in the dark. Nothing felt right. I put my hand where my pulse should be on my neck. I didn't feel the reassuring _thump thump_ that usually beats just under my skin.

_"She's moving,"_ I heard a sinister whisper.

I reached out for a voice and tried to call out, but then when I opened my mouth, my lungs wouldn't open or contract. I couldn't breathe either.

Was I dead?

Was I doomed to this for eternity?

* * *

When my eyes did open (Well, I think they were open) all I could see was a vastness of white. It was hurting my eyes so I shielded them from the light.

I felt a pinch on my upper arm and instinctually sat up.

I felt a strong push and the same sinister voice say "Lay down!" very harshly. Only this time, the voice didn't sound so sinister. It sounded much higher and less raspy.

How dare somebody talk to me like that? I'm dead!

Five minutes later when the person had left (I heard a door close) I stood up and rubbed my eyes in vain, because I still couldn't see very well. I saw faint shadows in the white now.

I sat down on the tile floor and wondered why Heaven was tiled. The tiles were cold against my bum, so I groped around for a pillow to sit on instead.

I sat like that for awhile waiting for my eyes to adjust. I felt so stupid. Of course I wasn't _dead_, I was just in the hospital.

When a nurse came in, she gasped and pulled me up by my arms and walked me back over to the bed. "What do you think you were doing young lady?" she reprimanded once I had been laying down again.

"I just wanted to be able to see," I said nonchalantly.

"Oh. I see. Well, I will bring in your nurse," she looked at a sheet of paper hanging on the wall and used her index finger to run across the words. "Let's see, you have Nurse Morse! What a nice lady!"

I snorted. The nurse looked down at me and raised her eyebrows. If the lady who pushed me down earlier was such a _nice lady_, I was afraid to see what the other nurses acted like.

Instead of mentioning this I asked where I was.

"King Charlemagne Community Hospital. When you fainted you were taken to the closest hospital in the area. When they brought you in, we realised you needed instant treatment."

"Treatment for what?" I asked sincerely.

"Hm, Well," she began like I was supposed to know why I fainted. "For your eating disorder of course," she said matter-of-factly.

* * *

Later in the day I found out that King Charlemagne was a Muggle hospital and St. Mungo's didn't take me because they were overbooked or something. Apparently there had been an attack somewhere out in Edinburgh and every room in every ward had been filled up. And the school infirmary didn't have the exact _expertise_ to treat me.

The nurses were very shocked when I told them I had never heard of Anorexia Nervosa before. They were certain that everyone in their right minds would have noticed all the current news it was receiving, what with the ban of models in Rome and all.

But I didn't even know I had a disease, or at least, what it was called and what it entailed.

I passed out from a mixture of lack of energy, and a panic attack which many people who are anorexic get. The panic attack was the feeling of dread and not being able to breathe. The nurses told me that when having a panic attack you feel like you can't breathe, but really you are breathing fine.

It was only one day ago that I fainted, but to me, it felt like I had been "dead" a long time.

The sharp pinch I felt on my arm that morning was them shooting insulin into my body.

When Lavender and Parvati walked into my room they gasped at the state of my body. They both ran over as quickly as possible and gave me a very tight hug. I told them to watch out for the IV stuck into the vein on the inside of my elbow.

The two of them sat down into the chairs and recounted the events of the day before.

"Well," Lavender began, enjoying herself being the center of attention. "When you, Mollie, passed out I ran to Professor Sprout because, if you remember, we were on our way to her class to peek in on Parvati. Well, I burst in and screamed for her to get help because somebody had just passed out. After I said that her whole class was in chaos and everyone was talking-"

Parvati cut in, "Yeah, and I ran up to Lavender and asked her who it was. When she said it was you, I got really worried. I knew it was because of how you never ate anything. So the two of us followed Professor Sprout back to where you lay sprawled on the ground. All the students in our class were crowding around your body gossiping and being their usually stupid selves."

Lavender made a little "Hmpf" sound, obviously offended at Parvati's open dislike for good gossip.

"What was everyone saying?" I asked with general disinterest.

"The Slytherin girls were talking about what a bitch you are," when Parvati saw the look on my face she added, "But you know how girls are, they're just jealous of you. And the Gryffindor girls were hoping you were okay. The boys were wondering if somebody had attacked you or something."

"What was Draco saying?" I asked before I knew what I was saying.

Lavender peered at me and felt my forehead, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, what the hell does Weasel Malfoy have to do with you?" Parvati asked.

"N-n-nothing," I stammered.

"For your information, Malfoy wasn't there, apparently he got in trouble for sleeping with some Fourth Year girl last night," Parvati said in a testy voice.

"Okay," I said quietly. "Then what happened?"

I think Parvati was too angry to continue, so Lavender took up the story again, "St. Mungo's apparently couldn't take you, so you were brought straight here so _somebody_ could help you. And that's all we knew, well, until now."

I considered their story a bit, even though there wasn't much to think about. It happened. The end. What bothered me was Draco. So he _did_ sleep with that girl. Unless it was only a few rumours. I couldn't give myself any hope about that though. For now, I would have to believe what Parvati told me.

* * *

That night was the only night I would have to spend there. I was told that when I got back to school, the teachers would track my intake and I would also have out-patient treatments where I would be weighed and hopefully back to a healthy weight that matched my height.

When I stepped onto the scale sitting in the hallway in my ward, they made me face away from the scale so I wouldn't know my weight.

As I stood, waiting for my nurse (the evil Nurse Morse) to finish finding the exact weight I asked her why it mattered. I had never weighed myself "at home". I told her I didn't exactly care how much I weighed.

She snorted in unbelief and said, "Anorexics have a distorted body image and a distorted view of weight. Trust me, if you saw how much you weighed, you would probably think of suicide," she said smugly.

I couldn't believe it! The little bitch thought she was better than me! Yeah right. What did she weigh? 92 kg? Who could stand that? She looked fatter than old Professor Sprout! How dare she think just because I am the one with the "disease" that I am lower than her.

I kept a mental note to file a complaint about that bitch.

__________

**Draco's POV**

I was so glad Snape didn't mention the Dark Lord's task again this time. Usually he goes on and on about responsibility and whatnot. I don't know. I guess I feel special being the one the Dark Lord picked especially, but there has been one question always in the back of my mind. _**What if I die?**_

If I died, I wouldn't get to grow up, start a family, become a man. I would never get to tell Mollie how much I feel.

* * *

Stepping outside into the courtyard I breathed a sigh of relief. Even though the air was chilly, the sun was out and warmed my face. It was such a different world outside than inside that dreary school.

Halfway to the greenhouses I realised I forgot to get a signature from Professor Snape, so Sprout would most likely dock points for being "late". _**Oh well**_, I thought. _**I'll just tell Snape about it later and he'll be sure to put the points back. He might even slip in a few extra...**_

Down a narrow path on one of the steep hills, I heard some faint voices. I walked off the path and around a courtyard wall. Only I wasn't watching where I was going and my head ran right into a marble pillar sending a loud _SMACK_ echoing off the surrounding trees and walls.

I cursed the pillar and kicked it making sure it knew the wrath I could give. I wonder if it knew what harm I caused to that brute the Hippogriff three years back.

But I didn't have much time to linger on that because I heard a scream from the people I was just going to go see. It was a girl and she was screaming, "SHE FAINTED! HELP!"

Through the trees I saw a figure (still screaming) running off in the direction of the greenhouses. I figured I myself would go see who had fainted.

She was laying in the open field and from ten metres away I knew it was Mollie. There was no mistaking that curly brown hair. Only now it wasn't thickly cascading, it was limp and frizzy and had bits of dirt stuck in it.

I ran over to her and crouched down. Her arms were hanging out to her sides, palms up. I put both of my hands on her forearms and just stared at her. She wasn't breathing and she had no pulse.

I sat with her there for only two more minutes until I heard voices getting louder and louder. I knew the girl must've found help and this was it. Quickly as I could I stood up and ran away back into the school. Mollie was hurt and I had to help her.

**My girl, linen and curls  
Lips parting like a flag all unfurled  
She's grand, the bend of her hand  
Digging deep into the sweep of the sand.**

the decemberists


	10. Chapter 10

**Mollie's POV**

When Nurse Morse was finished with me for the evening, she had my Mum brought in again. The nutritionist on duty at that time met with us and went over some procedures. Mum nodded her head and but kept her mouth shut through the whole lecture. She didn't care at all what was happening to me. To her, I was just a reminder of her past. Mum spends a lot of time dwelling in the past. That's why she's always drinking so much. I remind her too much of my Dad. She seems to think that I look like him.

"Do you have any questions Ms. Farley?" asked the nutritionist sweetly.

Without moving her body an inch, Mum said, "No."

"Okay, we're all set then," the nutritionist grabbed the manila folders stacked in front of her and she stood them up and she hit the edges of them with the desk to make all the papers and folders straight. She then proceeded to stand up and straightened out the wrinkles of her pencil skirt and clean cut purple blazer. Her large mouth curled into a smile flashing us a row of perfect, white teeth. I couldn't imagine what I looked like compared to her. I hadn't taken a shower in over 24 hours.

I was wheeled back into my room, and the nurses left me alone with Mum for the night.

As soon as the door shut, Mum turned around and glared at me. She was almost as good as McGonagall when it came to glares.

"How could you?! You are so irresponsible! Do you know how much money this will cost me? You know we don't have that sort of money! You stupid, stupid girl!" Mum continued yelling. I just stared at her looking dumbfounded. When she yelled at me like this I usually put on a dumb facade so she wouldn't know how much it hurts to hear her say these things to me.

"Mum," I said quietly. "It's not like I'm getting surgery. You're only paying for like one insulin injection and one meeting with the bloody nutritionist."

"That's just it! You are so ignorant sometimes. Do you know how much money that costs? Besides, I don't have the time to convert what little money we have to Muggle currency!"

"It's not that hard you know," I said pointedly.

She just made a loud impatient noise in the back of her throat and with a _whoosh_ sat down in one of the smelly room chairs.

"You'd better be a good girl when you go back to school. I'm wasting enough money as it is to take you to that school. Ever since your dad ran off with _her_," Mum paused and for a split second started getting teary-eyed; but then that moment passed and she became angry once more. "...He hasn't been paying support which means _NO MONEY_!" she screamed, going into hysterics again.

I never knew who "her" was. I only knew that in the middle of my first year at Hogwarts, Dad was gone. It wasn't until I was 14 that Mum told me that he ran off with some woman. (Naturally, she was drunk when she said this. She would never say anything like that sober). I always wondered who it was though. There was no way of finding out because I never saw my Dad again. Besides, allegedly he and this woman weren't even together anymore. Mum said that their affair only lasted about two weeks until they broke it off, except Mum was too angry to take Dad back. Dad was sure she would kill him. I know for a fact that Mum would do anything to get him back now. I used to think those sort of feelings were love. It felt so romantic; she would do _anything_ for him. Now that I can see my Mum for who she really is, I know it's only selfishness.

* * *

In the morning I found McGonagall waiting in the waiting room on the Ground Level. She was thumbing through a sixth month old French Vogue and pretty much _Hmpf_-ing disapprovingly at every other page she turned to.

I stood in front of her and she still didn't notice me standing there so I cleared my throat and she peered up at me over the rim of her glasses.

Putting the magazine down, she stood up and gave me a very caring, motherly look and told me to follow her.

She led me across the busy street and into an alley filled with discarded litter and trash receptacles.

"Hold onto my arm Miss Langston. Don't worry, you'll be alright."

When I didn't react, she tentatively grabbed my arm and put it on hers. I was hesitant to actually grab it. It was odd being this close to her. I had guessed already that we were going to apparate as close to the school grounds as we could, but I just didn't know why it had to be _her_ that came and collected me.

Eventually I just held on and she seemed to apparate quickly in case I changed my mind about going with her.

* * *

You may think fainting might be the most mortifying thing ever to happen to a person. I mean, that's what I thought back at the hospital. How awful it must've been for me to just be laying on the ground all dirty and unconscious like that. But I was wrong. The most embarrassing moment of my life was walking into the Great Hall with the whole school staring at me.

I had pleaded with McGonagall to let me just come into class first but she just smiled warmly, but in a testy voice she said, "Do not forget your punishment. You and Miss Brown are still suspended. And you have to go into the Great Hall because you are supposed to _eat_. Do you understand?"

I looked down at my torn up sneakers, "Yes Professor."

She turned swiftly and went into the Great Hall, leaving me alone to come inside by myself.

Gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and pushed opened a door.

All the students seemed to have an instant reaction when I first stepped in. It was like I was a magnet and their eyes were magnetized right back. Nobody would stop looking at me. I decided to not look at anybody in particular so it would seem like there was nobody there.

When I finally spotted a friendly face in the crowd I rushed over and sat down. Connor smiled at me reassuringly and put his hand on my back. I smiled back at him slowly, but then stopped because I didn't want him to get any wrong ideas.

When I turned my head back to the table and the empty plate in front of me I realised that there were more embarrassing things yet to come. Like eating and having some teacher write down what I ate, while the whole school watched and knew exactly why.

As I was thinking this, sure enough, McGonagall came up from behind me and started piling food onto my plate as if she didn't notice the stares she was receiving from every angle.

"Eat this," she said a little too loudly.

I looked down at the three slices of Canadian bacon, two sausage links, some scrambled eggs, and a couple strawberries and raspberries. I looked at the mutilated meat and felt very sick. I felt like I could smell the death that came off the sausage and bacon in swirls of twisting smoke. The eggs were iffy. I never much cared for eggs. The fruit was my best bet.

I lifted up my hand and grabbed a strawberry and put it into my mouth. I couldn't bring myself to bite it. My teeth just wouldn't do it.

Beside me, Connor took his hand off of my back and laid it on my shoulder. He encouragingly whispered, "C'mon Mollie. Everyone is looking. It can't be that hard to just swallow it."

By the time all the fruit was gone (which took about ten minutes) McGonagall said from above me, "Good. Now eat the meat."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it's dead."

Exasperated she said, "Well would you rather it be alive?"

I picked up the fork and speared a sausage. My sudden determination came from never ever wanting to go back to that hospital again. Or hear Mum yelling at me for a long time.

I chewed through the bacon, sausage, and eggs, taking enough time so that the Great Hall had cleared of everyone by that time. Even Connor had given up waiting for me, so all that was left was me, Lavender, and McGonagall.

I asked McGonagall what she was going to do with her class that she was late for, but she replied, "I don't have a class this morning." Turning to Lavender she said, "Miss Brown, since you are suspended from all classes too, you will keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't throw up her breakfast. If you find out she does, tell me, so I can make arrangements with the hospital to have a room ready and waiting for her when she gets there."

With that, McGonagall left the two of us sitting across from each other in the desolate room.

The two of us smiled at each other and I said, "Lavender, to be honest I had never though of that before. Vomiting, I mean."

The smile vanished. "Mollie, you know I will tell McGonagall if you do. I mean, it would suck if you were in the hospital, but it would suck more if you died all on my account because you _were_ getting rid of all your food."

I understood where she was coming from, and instead of snapping back at her, I just stood up and told her to come along.

The two of us went back into our room and pulled out our "_Sac de Beaute_" (or in English "Bag of Beauty") which is our huge bag that Lavender, Parvati, and I put all of our make-up, hair things, and skin care into during the beginning of each term. At the end of the term we split it all up again (not exactly getting what we all bought in the beginning, but we never really cared all that much since we saw each other about every day during the summer) and during the summer we stocked up on even more things. Every year the bag got fuller and was now almost overflowing. Some of the items were very old, and so that's what Lavender and I decided to do today, sort it all out and get rid of the very old.

__________

**Draco's POV**

The next two days were almost like torture. There was a formidable air hanging around me like a dark cloud. Whenever anyone would ask what was up I would just pretend I was angry at Snape for giving me two weeks of detention or something. I would not let on what was really bothering me was the event on everyone's tongue. Each hour I heard the story again. Each hour the story got more and more ridiculous. I even heard some second years going on about centaurs and Devil's Snare.

It wasn't until Wednesday, though, that I heard some older Ravenclaws talking about what a shame it was Mollie looked so gaunt these days, because she was, as they said, "...quite excellent, mate." I clenched my jaw and my fists until I was sure they were white.

Professor Sprout scheduled a make-up Herbology class for our free hour on Wednesday.

Zabini and Pansy and I were walking back down to the greenhouses when Zabini pointed out Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil walking off the other direction. The direction _off_ school grounds.

"Where do you suppose they're going?" Pansy asked.

"Probably going to see that unintelligent, _underprivileged_ prude Langston at the _hospital_," Zabini said nastily and dismissively with a wave of his hand.

_**How dare he say those things? Who the hell does he think he is? That bastard!**_

I felt a hand on my shoulder and a squeeze. When Zabini was looking the other way, Pansy shot me a sympathetic look, which I was very grateful for.

* * *

Thursday morning at breakfast when I saw Mollie _still_ wasn't back, I decided I couldn't wait any longer. After breakfast I would go see Dumbledore. I just _had_ to know.  
Only in the middle of a bite of my sausage, I felt a tap on my left hand which had been resting atop the table. I looked down and saw Pansy's hand there. When I looked at her she only pointed to the doors silently.

I followed her gaze (like many of the students in the Great Hall had started to do) and found myself watching Mollie come inside the room and hastily try to make her way to Gryffindor, all the way across the room, without making eye contact with anyone. She was using the old tactic, _if I don't look at them, they really won't be there._

She sat down next to Connor Tuck who lovingly put his hand on the small of her back and left it there. I really couldn't stand that kid. I think I saw her turn to him and give him a faint smile.  
But a smile none the less.

That's when McGonagall walked over to her and started piling food onto her plate. I could imagine the look of extreme mortification she must've put on.

By then, people had stopped staring incoherently at her, but instead opted for returning to their conversations while shiftily stealing glances.

Mollie had gone through only about two sausage links when the bell sounded. I had to get up and walk out with everyone else, but I really wanted to stay and see if she would finish all the food, or if she would refuse to. She probably would because it was much easier to cause a scene with nobody looking.

**Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me.  
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?  
Goodbye, my almost lover ...my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you**

a fine frenzy


	11. Chapter 11

**Mollie's POV**

The months passed; October turned into November, fall turned into winter, and the falling leaves turned into falling snowflakes. Every Sunday of the week I had to take a trip to King Charlemagne to get weighed and the papers Madam Pomfrey had filled out that charted my food intake. The first day I had come back was the only day McGonagall had stood behind me to watch me eat. All the rest of my meals were spent in the infirmary in the company of Madam Pomfrey.

And Katie Bell's mysterious attack during Hogsmeade helped to turn everyone's attention away from me and my petty problems. People began caring more about themselves and their own safety than bother themselves with trivial things like my diet.

This Sunday my nurse decided to let me see my progress since I had shown some interest (very vague, but interest all the same) in peanut butter sandwiches. That's right; almost the only thing I ever wanted to eat was a piece of bread and some peanut butter. Of course Madam Pomfrey had to feed them to me, because it would make me eat.

"Okay, Mollie, are you ready to see your original weight?" Nurse Morse asked, walking into the doctor's check-up room. She was decked out in bright turquoise scrubs, which hurt to look at.

"I guess," I shrugged. I didn't see what the big deal was. I honestly never cared about exact numbers.

To create the desired dramatic effect, Nurse Morse pretended to busy herself with the insulin shot she would be giving me today. Oh how I dreaded those shots. It wasn't that I thought they hurt, because they really didn't; it was more the way that they made me fat. During these two months, I saw some dramatic changes in my body--some most _undesired_ changes. The concave of my stomach started to fill in, my thighs and upper arms were getting very round and flabby, and my bum was now the size of Texas. Parvati said I was still stick thin, but I felt like I was carrying around the weight of six people in one body. I felt disgusting and untouchable.

"Just tell me," I ordered nonchalantly, trying not to think about the insulin.

"Fine," she huffed indignantly. "Mollie, you used to weigh a whopping 45 kilos."

"Oh," I said quietly. I didn't know what to say.

She continued, "Your BMI was 16.5, which is 2 points lower than is healthy. In BMI terms, that is very underweight."

"Was I really that fat?" was what ended up coming out.

* * *

Lavender and I were sitting on our beds, facing each other, and talking. We were discussing my lowest weight, and my progress. Lavender kept telling me how proud she was of me, she could tell the difference in my face. What used to be bony and pale, is now fleshy and bright; _supposedly_.

The door to our room flew open, and in rushed Parvati--face flushed and out of breath.

"What's up?" Lavender asked.

"Get ready! The game is going to start soon!"

At that moment Lavender and I both remembered the Slytherin vs. Gryffindor Quidditch game happening today. It was always the year's most intense game.

"Oh no!" Lavender cried. "I have to get ready!"

Parvati and I shared a secret smile. Ever since Harry Potter told her off the day he and her were presenting their Transfiguration project to the class, Lavender had developed a little crush on Ron Weasley, the Gryffindor keeper.

And as everyone in Gryffindor knows, _Weasley is our King._

Trudging through the frost that had settled on the gardens that morning, most of the school hurried down to the pitch, eager to find good seats.

The game was pretty much in Gryffindor's favor from the start. Slytherin's best player, Vaisey, was unable to play due to Bludger injury. But when Parvati mentioned Malfoy was out ill and being replaced by a fifth year, my heart stopped. I hoped he was okay. I wanted to know what was wrong. What would make him so sick that Madam Pomfrey couldn't cure him?

Throughout the entire match, to the delight of my house, Ron never let one Quaffle in. Other than Lavender (who was screaming herself hoarse, rooting for Ron) everyone's attention turned toward the Seekers. It was up to them to decide who the better team was.

In a dramatic race for the Snitch, Harper (Malfoy's substitute) flew upwards quickly. The commentator, Zacharias Smith, bellowed, "Harper of Slytherin... [Has] seen something Potter hasn't (Rowling 297)!"

Even the players on the field stopped playing as intensely. Half of their attention was directed towards the two figures flying farther and farther into the sky until they were two dots, merging to create one.

Just as soon as it had started, one of the figures started flying down again, looming closer and closer to the stands. Everyone held their breath; waiting to see who it was that had caught the Snitch.

When the scarlet robes could be made out, and Harry's yelps were understood as those of triumph, those in Gryffindor and cheering for Gryffindor stood up and shook the stands with applause. On the other side of the stands, in the sea of green, there wasn't one happy face. Gryffindor had beaten Slytherin again.

* * *

Whenever there is a victory of some sort in any house, it is always customary to have a party. Whenever a party occurs, you can be sure, the whole school will know. All through the night there are random screams, sounds of things hitting the walls, and prowling students out late. It is a universal law that these parties are to be undisturbed by anybody, even teachers. _You don't mess with us, we don't mess with you_. It is impossible not to have fun at these types of social events, unless, of course, your cat just died or your boyfriend broke up with you for a girl who was having a better hair day than you.

Tonight, since neither of those two events occurred (One, I am allergic to cats; Two, what boy in his right mind would go out with me? I am the school's head case; "The Girl Who Didn't Eat") I was having a wonderful time. Parvati, Connor, and I were trying to convince some first years that if you stick your wand onto your tongue and yell, "Reparo!" your taste buds would be instantly enhanced, when in reality all it did was make your tongue very fleshy and sometimes it would stick to the roof of your mouth. (Connor and I found this out the hard way during a rather rainy Saturday in second year).

Finally, a first year trying to be brave said he'd do it. He pulled out a cauldron cake, intending to try out his new taste buds after repairing his tongue.

His bravery seemed to cause a chain reaction throughout the whole group. We found ourselves watching this group of first years--half with their wands in their mouths and the other half with their wands resting on their tongues, which we hanging out of their mouths--counting to five.

"Wah!" they shouted. "Oo! Wee! Oar!"

But before they could get to five (or "Hi") there was an angry voice and a mess of frizzy brown hair came into view. The three of us found ourselves receiving hard slaps on the arms with rolled up newspaper. Hermione Granger yelled, "You dimwitted twits! You stupid, stupid people! How dare you tell them that?"

Turning towards the first years--who were positively frightened by now--she calmly told them to never do anything the three of us told them to do ever again. She told them we were bad influences.

"We weren't the ones hitting people," Parvati said matter-of-factly. "So why don't you take your big arse and mind your own business?"

Hermione _Humph_-ed indignantly and stood up and stalked off and lost herself in the crowd.

"C'mon Parvati, let's go find Lavender," I said, sighing. Ever since I first laid eyes on Hermione I felt bad for her. I don't know what it was; maybe it was her uncontrollable hair, or her lack of social skills. Either way, I didn't like they way Parvati and Lavender hated her.

"May I speak to you Mollie?" Connor asked politely, grabbing my arm. I looked up at him and he had a worried, yet far-away look in his eyes.

"Sure," I hesitated. I hoped he wasn't going to ask what I hoped he would never ask.

He led me to two empty chairs by the stairway and sat me down. Then he sat down in the next one.

Suddenly, Connor started looking nervous but serious at the same time and he wouldn't stop running his hands through his hair.

"I have to ask you something important Mollie, listen carefully."

______

**Draco's POV**

DRACO,  
IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A MILLION TIMES, _WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FULLFILL YOUR DUTIES?_ I GOT WIND BY YOUR AUNT THAT THE DARK LORD IS GROWING ANGRIER EACH COMING DAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO, BUT DO BE CAREFUL. DO WHAT YOU WERE SENT OUT TO DO, OR ELSE I WILL LOSE YOU TOO. I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LIVE IF I LOST YOU ALSO. PLEASE, PLEASE HURRY.  
LOVE,  
MUM

I crumpled the paper in my fist and threw it angrily on the ground. I was tired of these countless and pointless messages Mum kept writing. Did she actually believe I took to heart what she was saying. Why couldn't she just quit bothering me? I was 16, did she think I didn't know that my job was important and that the lives of our family depended on it? It's just sometimes good things take time.

"Why don't you listen to your Mum and hurry up with whatever it is you're supposed to be doing?"

I jumped and turned around. Behind me stood Pansy with her arms crossed and a very expensive looking witch hat resting on her head.

Ignoring her question (was it her business?) I said, "Where'd you get the new hat?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, touching it lightly with her hand. "D'you like it? I bought it at Hogsmeade last time and forgot to wear it. I thought I'd wear it to classes today."

"Not that any magical object would help you at all, what with your knack for screwing up everything you touch, Parkinson," sneered Davina Shaw, another Slytherin girl in our year. She absolutely loathed Pansy. The two of them have been in an argument ever since they first saw each other when...well, I think they were three. At least, that's Pansy's story.

"Shove it up your arse, Shaw!" Pansy said to her back. It's easy to be brave when the other person isn't looking.

She turned around and glared at Pansy. I stayed where I was on the couch, watching the scene unfold.

Many people had already stopped what they were doing, and were now crowding around the two girls, ready for them to get into another fight. Personally, I wasn't ready for the two of them to fight. I was so tired, and had a bad headache.

Standing up, I walked around the couch to Pansy and grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled her out of the crowd.

Safely outside the common room and back in the corridors I turned on her and said, "Quit fighting with her. She only says those things because she wants you to get mad at her."

"Yeah, you would know. You are the," she put her two fingers up making quotations, "'all-knowing' Draco Malfoy."

"Yeah? Well, at least I know when not to have a row!" I shouted, obviously the beginning words to a quarrel.

Instead of retorting, Pansy put her hands on her hips and stalked back into the common room, intent on finishing what Davina had started.

That same day though, was the year's most intense Quiddtich match. Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. I really felt like I wouldn't mind going to the Quidditch game and kicking some Potter ass, but instead while the rest of the school made their way down to the pitch, Crabbe and I made our way up the seventh floor where the Room of Requirement was located.

Standing in front of the wall, I paced it three times, and then turned towards it to see the door magically appear.

"Crabbe, I want you to keep watch, you know the drill," I said to Crabbe, who by this time had changed into a small girl.

I walked through the door and entered.

* * *

That night as I lay in my bed with my hands under my head, my mind kept wondering why my last plan hadn't succeeded.

Eventually I gave up on account of not being able to concentrate. The bloody Gryffindors were too busy with their partying. Sitting up in bed, resting my back against the headboard, I wondered why people still believed things like parties even mattered anymore. Somehow, growing up had made me understand what was really important in life. Maybe for some people having as much fun as possible before they were to die was their purpose to life.

I was beginning to feel that I had only one purpose, and so far I had been failing miserably.

The rest of the night was another restless one. I really should go see Madam Pomfrey for something that would cure insomnia. In fact, some night I couldn't even sleep at all.

At breakfast, I begrudgingly followed Zabini to the Slytherin table. Instead of looking hopefully at the Gryffindors to see if maybe _this time_ Mollie would be eating with the rest of the school, I just kept my head down staring at the table.

Until I heard some voices next to me begin talking about Mollie. Looking to my left, I saw a bunch of girls who were gossiping about her.

"She's so disgusting," one began.

"I know," another agreed. "She looks like a spider."

"I saw her last summer, you know, when she still weighed, like, zip?" the others nodded and she continued. "Well, she was wearing her bikini, only it was so gross because her hip bones stood out like a mile and I could count every single rib."

"How many did she have?" the first one asked.

The third one shrugged, "Like, how would I know?"

The second one asked, "Did she still have her...you know..._tits_?"

I had been in the middle of drinking water when the girl asked this, which caused me to spit it out and start choking. I didn't get to hear the other girl's answer because at that moment, Zabini turned, pointed his wand at me, and yelled, "Anapneo!" Then he turned back around to continue his conversation with Davina Shaw before I could mutter a word of thanks.

I turned back to the girls, intent on listening to more of their conversation, but only to find that they were staring at me spitefully. I grinned and then looked back down at my plate.

Disappointed I had missed what the girl said about Mollie's, well, _tits_, I couldn't let it get to me because I was about to have Herbology with the Gryffindors. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her though. Pansy kept telling me to let her go. She kept telling me that she would never have me since I screwed around with that fourth year. I had to remind her that I really _hadn't_ screwed around with the fourth year, but Pansy just said, "Yeah, well does _she_ know that? And I highly doubt she will let you get close enough to her for you to explain."

She had a point. For the past two months, ever since Mollie fainted, whenever I tried to come up to her to talk, her friends would swarm me like vultures telling me to get out of sight. Apparently Mollie told them what happened between us that night in the Ravenclaw common room.

So, I usually tried to think of other, more important things than my own happiness now.

**It's a restless world, uncertain times  
You said hope was getting hard to find  
But time rolls on, days roll by  
Oh honey I'm having trouble letting you go  
...Now I wonder if dreams are just dreams**

tom petty


	12. Chapter 12

**Mollie's POV**

I sat in the chair waiting for Connor to ask whatever he was going to say. He was making me as nervous as he looked!

Suddenly, he leaned down closer to me and then said seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

I stared at him for a bit in disbelief. Did he really just ask that?

When he saw my look of confusion, he began to laugh heartily. That brought me back. I picked up the newspaper on the table and hit him on the arm where Hermione had hit him earlier.

"Oh, you are just _so_ funny," I said sarcastically. "Jesus Christ! You scared me. I thought somebody had, like, died."

Still laughing very hard, Connor managed to let out, "Oh no! You should've seen your expression. It was so hard to keep a straight face..."

I stood up and left him alone. I was beginning to feel very tired of his antics.

Walking through the crowd I found Parvati sitting alone on one of the couches staring off into space. Only when I followed her line of vision, I saw what she was really staring at.

Lavender and Ron Weasley were on the chair across from Parvati, and they were snogging. No, not snogging. It looked more like they were eating each other's faces off.

"Parvati!" I called. She turned around and saw me standing next to her. I pretended to barf and then pointed over to Lavender and Ron.

For a long time, Parvati and I sat on the couch giggling over Lavender and her…extremities.

When Ron pulled away from her and saw us across from them laughing away, he sent us a look that said "Get your own snogging partner" and he stood up, which caused Lavender to fall off his lap. Many people around had saw that and they all began pointing and laughing. Lavender blushed bright red, only when we looked to see Ron, he was even redder than Lavender. The two of them quickly ran out of sight so as not to do anything else embarrassing.

"That was great," I said at last, for Parvati and I had become quiet after Lavender fell off of Ron's lap.

"It was," she agreed.

I turned towards her and crossed my legs on the couch, "Parvati?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever think about what you're going to do when you get out of school?"

"Not really. Well, I mean I did have some lovely thoughts of seducing Roger Davies and he and I getting married-"

I cut her short, "No, I mean like, job-wise. We can talk about marriage later."

"Well, McGonagall talked to me last year about it during O.W.L.S. of course."

"What did you tell her?"

"I just said I was planning on marrying some very rich man and I didn't really want to work."

"What sort of plan is _that_?"

"A good one!" she said defensively. I hated to admit, but it did sound rather nice.

"Okay," I said, humouring her, "Suppose you married this rich bloke but then he died and gave all his money in his will to his brother or something. What would you do for a job?"

"That won't happen," she said.

"Why not?"

"Because," her patience was running out. "I'm not going to marry a rich old fart, I'm gonna marry somebody _young_."

"Who?"

"I told you already. Roger Davies."

I didn't ask her anymore questions about it after that. I tried to remember my meeting with McGonagall the year previous. I didn't know what I had wanted to do either. I think I said something like a secretary to somebody in the Ministry. To me it seemed there wasn't much work in magic. And if you found some, there was even less money. Maybe marrying a rich bloke would come in handy...

Those thoughts brought me straight to Malfoy. I sat in silence next to a fuming Parvati, thinking over Malfoy. He was very rich, I knew that much. In first year when he and I were "going out" and when he would take me to Slytherin, I saw all of his great things. When he asked to see my stuff I wouldn't let him because I knew my money could never compare. I think that was when he learned that not everyone was rich and some people have less than he does.

Ever since I came back from the hospital he had been trying to talk to me, only lately, he had stopped. A huge part of me found it relieving that he quit trying to talk to me. But a small part felt rather sad. I wanted to know what he was trying to tell me. Hopefully it was something with more substance than, "Do you know the muffin man?"

I smiled a little, remembering.

"What's so funny?" asked Parvati.

"Oh, something Connor said earlier."

"You should marry him. He's rich," Parvati said nonchalantly like she said things like that every day.

"Okay," I had learned to ignore what she said about him. The more she tried to push us together, the more I wanted to get away from him.

"So what are you doing for Christmas this year?" Parvati asked.

I scowled, "I guess I'll be going over to Mum's. You know how she can be over Christmas."

Parvati sighed and rearranged her legs on the couch crossed-legged like mine, "Don't worry. If she's giving you too much trouble send an owl and Lavender and I will be over in a jiffy."

I smiled, "Oh don't worry. That owl will probably come right when you get home. Mum drives me insane."

"Obviously."

I ignored that and said, "So what are you doing?"

"The usual. My family's going to my grandaddy's and we're doing presents and dinner there. Did you hear what Lavender's doing? She never tells me anything..." Parvati finished rather sadly.

"Yes she does. She tells you loads!"

"Well, I never heard about her and Ron!"

"Neither did I, so don't get all mad at me!" I said, pointing to myself.

"Sorry, but did she say anything to you?"

"Yeah, she says she's also doing the usual. She's hanging out at Julian's this year though, or whatever it is she does..." I trailed. Julian was her older brother...he was also my first snog.

I was in my second year, and he was in his fourth. It happened at a party exactly like the one happening at this exact moment. Gryffindor had beat somebody in Quidditch and we were all celebrating. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch waiting for Lavender and Parvati to return with some food because we had barely eaten that day and we were starving. Julian sat down next to me looking all delicious and boyish. It had been that year that I had finally shown interest in the opposite sex too, so I had this mental idea that snogging as many blokes as I could would make me popular. Whatever. Anyway, he sighed and said, "I am so bored."

"Yeah," I agreed. I was still a little shy around him. This was Lavender's brother!

I guess he took that "Yeah" as a, "Kiss me right now," so he sort of leaned in and we started snogging.

I can tell you right now, it was the worst kiss I had ever received.

"Ha!" Parvati's laugh brought me back. "Remember when Lavender and I caught you snogging Julian back in second year?! That was hilarious," she kept on laughing like it had been the highlight of her life or something.

"It was not! Lavender didn't speak to me for a whole month after that!"

"No," Parvati was wiping some tears from her eyes. "Remember when you pushed him off you and yelled in that little girly voice you had back then, 'Get off of me you stupid bloke! Learn to snog!' Ha!" And Parvati was lost in another fit of laughter.

I crossed my arms and turned away from her, intent on ignoring her stupid laughter over a stupid story that was never funny. In fact, it took so long afterwards to get Lavender's trust back. I don't know why she was so protective over her _older_ brother. Siblings are funny that way.

* * *

Two days later, as I made my way to the hospital wing for "breakfast" I ran into Madam Pomfrey herself.

"Oh! So sorry! It's my entire fault!" I said helplessly, because when I ran into her she dropped a mug of coffee on her white dress and a bunch of papers.

"Not to worry dear," she said rather stiffly, repairing her broken mug and gathering the papers.

When she was done she looked up and recognised it was me. "Oh! Miss Langston, I have some good news! Today you may join your friends for breakfast," with that she walked away from the hospital wing. I wondered where she was going. Nobody usually ever saw her ever leave the infirmary.

I followed her quietly, making sure she didn't hear me. Sometimes my curiosity got the better of me. (More like always. The way I wanted to go see the Ravenclaw dorms...even with Malfoy).

Five minutes later, I looked around a corner and saw her staring back at me.

"It would be unwise to follow me any longer Mollie," she said sternly, using my first name.

Teachers _never_ used your first name unless you were in heaps of trouble.

Feebly I laughed and ran back down the corridor.

Bursting into the Great Hall, I settled down in a seat next to Parvati and Harry Potter.

"'Morning Harry," I said breathlessly.

He seemed surprised to see me, as I haven't been in the Great Hall for quite some time now.

"Hi Mollie," he said, turning back to Hermione sitting across from him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Parvati.

I shrugged, "I don't know, I ran into Madam Pomfrey in the corridor just now and she told me I was supposed to eat breakfast in here."

Parvati said, "Well, here comes McGonagall. Hopefully she won't stand over you like a hawk as she did before..."

"Miss Langston," came the old voice of McGonagall.

"'Morning Professor," I said, not looking at her.

"Quit your worrying," she said sternly. "I am not here to watch you eat like before, I am only making sure you got here and Madam Pomfrey told you to come down here."

"Yes, I ran into her this morning."

"Good, now for the rest of this week, you will be taking your meals in the Great Hall with the rest of the students. If you are missing, I will send people to find you."

_**Why didn't this woman trust me? Why was she so evil?**_

I didn't answer, hoping she would just leave. To my relief, she did leave, and sat up at the staff table to finish her breakfast.

When the morning post came I was not surprised to find that Lavender and Parvati received letters, it was only when a large dark grey owl landed in front of me with a paper tied around its leg, that I became shocked. Someone writing to me? Mum never wrote unless it was something like, "Please send money quick, I have to pay the water bill." I never answered those because, one, I never had money and two, I knew she had the money, she was just making something up to get _more_.

So slowly I untied the paper wrapped around the owl's leg, asked Lavender for an owl pellet, fed the owl and sent it off.

When I unrolled the letter, this is what I saw:

MY DEAR MOLLIE:  
I HOPE SCHOOL IS GOING WELL. HOW IS OLD FLITWICK? HIS CLASS HAD ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVOURITE.  
ANYWAY, I KNOW IT MUST BE A SURPRISE TO HEAR FROM ME, BUT I AM WRITING BECAUSE I HAVE A PROPOSITION TO MAKE: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR OLD MAN? I KNOW I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU, BUT IT'S TIME I'VE CHANGED THAT. I MISS SEEING YOU. YOU WERE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER, AND WHEN I GOT WIND OF YOUR DISEASE, I REALISED I COULDN'T LET YOU SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS. I FEEL LIKE IT'S BEEN MY FAULT FOR EVERYTHING MOLLIE. PLEASE, COME HOME WITH ME THIS HOLIDAY, I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.  
MUCH LOVE,  
DADDY

I reread the words twice. I ran my hand over the parchment, the ink. My daddy had written this. I forgot his question, but instead savoured the thought that my daddy wrote me a letter. I felt the tears fill my eyes. He called me his "beautiful daughter".

______

**Draco's POV**

The next morning I was very shocked to see Mollie in the Great Hall. Nobody was watching her eat either. Her friends seemed to be busy with the letter she received in the post instead of what was in her stomach.

I noticed. I noticed she didn't eat _anything_. She was very sneaky.

It wasn't until I saw she was _crying_ that I quit thinking about her food, and started worrying about her feelings. What was in that note that made her so sad?

I felt a slap on my arm and once again Pansy reprimanded me on thinking about her.

"Shove off Parkinson. I can think about whatever or whomever I chose," I yelled, causing many people around to stare. Pansy looked taken aback and then just stared back into her plate. I didn't feel like comforting her at that moment so I just stood up and began walking out of the room.

When I was walking towards the dungeons I heard a voice call, "Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!"

I turned around and saw a boy with Hufflepuff robes on.

"What is it?" I said impatiently, towering over the small child.

He stuttered, "D-Dumbledore wants to see you," and he held out a rolled up piece of parchment.

"D-D-Dumbledore wants to see you," I mimicked him in an annoying, high-pitched voice. I really wasn't in the mood to visit the Headmaster. I snatched the trembling parchment from his hands and watched him scurry off.

Chuckling to myself, I unrolled the parchment and scanned it quickly. It was in Dumbledore's handwriting and he was just asking if I'd come visit him when I got the chance.

I knew this time, he'd want to get me in trouble. I was afraid he had found out what it was I was up to.

* * *

Arithmancy was my favourite class. It wasn't the actual subject or course work, but more the class and, who was _in_ it.

Anyway, the reason I love Arithmancy so much was because Mollie was in that class without her bodyguard friends (Patil and Brown). This class only came around once a week, and sometimes the only thing I had to look forward to was Arithmancy.

Pretty pathetic, eh?

I decided today I would ignore Dumbledore's summons to his office, and go another time that was more convenient. I wouldn't miss Arithmancy for the world.

I walked into the room excitedly. Today was going to be a good day, I had a feeling. To my good fortune much of the class was already there, but Mollie was sitting alone at one of the tables in the back. It was lucky, because had there were empty tables and I sat down next to a Gryffindor, it would look awfully suspicious.

So I pretended to search long and hard for a table that was empty, until I had to resort to sitting next to Mollie.

But to even _better_ luck that's when our teacher walked in and said coldly, "Malfoy, sit next to Langston."

_**Gladly, Professor.**_

Putting on a scowling face I trudged reluctantly to Mollie's table. When I plopped down, she barely looked up. What would I have to do to get her to notice me? Stand on the desk and strip?

Grabbing my bag I pulled out my parchment and ink quill. I stared at the front where the teacher was beginning her lecture on the Chaldean Method.

I heard a whisper next to me, "My Mum used to love anything that had to do with numbers. Even Muggle mathematics. She felt they made her sane."

Mollie's voice startled me. Now she was talking to me again? Oh well, I'll deal.

I sneered, then realised I had no witty comeback like I usually do when retorting to Potter or other scum like him. Maybe I just couldn't be mean to her.

Instead I decided now was the time I would have to show her my good side, "I like the way that when I'm working out the problems, it's all there is to think about," I whispered back. Luckily, our teacher still hadn't heard us.

Mollie lowered her eyebrows at me disapprovingly. Almost like I had missed the point. I don't know what point she was giving to me in telling me that. Was she trying to tell me her mum was insane and trying to get me to sympathise? Because I really wasn't comfortable with giving her sympathy right now.

I sighed and put my hand on her forearm. She looked down at my hand and shook it off, "What do you want?" she whispered. Not in a mean way, but more like she was just tired.

"You remember that night that we were in Ravenclaw and I got in trouble for, um," I ran my hand through my hair nervously, hoping she was hearing me. "…Slept with that girl?"

She was watching the teacher at the front who was talking about the Aramaics and why they never used the number 9. Mollie whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear, "Yes."

"Well, I just wanted to let you know I really didn't sleep with that girl," I said quickly, trying to get it all out before I decided against telling her.

"Why are you telling me this?" she was facing me again.

I looked down, "You seemed mad at me."

She looked about to blow her top. I hope she wasn't going to start screaming or something, I wanted to know what was on her mind, and if she began screaming I would lose my chance.

Once again, my luck came through for me and she just whispered, "Mad at you? You thought for one second that I _wasn't_ mad at you? You are so ignorant, do you know that?"

"Well, that night you let me walk you to your dormitory and carry your parchment," I pointed out.

"Yeah, only to get that _disgusting_ child _Krieve_ away from me. I was humouring you Draco. I don't like you, so don't you get any ideas," she finished and began writing furiously on her parchment.

For the rest of the period I sat in silence trying to not smile. Mollie had been talking to me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Draco's POV**

I received another letter from my mother the next morning. Except this time she wrote to ask me if I was coming home for the Christmas holiday. I had to write her back immediately to tell her I was staying at school, that I had important work that needed to get done.

I probably wouldn't have gone home even if I didn't have work. Mum was being overprotective as usual, but what with my "mission" going the way it was she had become even more overbearing than was humanly possible.

I was sitting on my bed that night when I glanced over at my nightstand. That's where I saw the note summoning me to Dumbledore's office. I had completely forgotten! So, swinging my legs over the edge, I jumped off the bed and dashed out of the dormitory.

I was glad to see no one of consequence in the common room or further off in the corridors.

I stopped in front of the large stone gargoyle which led to the entrance of Dumbledore's office. Only when I was about to say the password I forgot that too. I stood in front of that gargoyle for a good five minutes before finally going through many types of sweets and saying the ones that sounded familiar.

"Pumpkin Pasties," I said sourly, expecting the gargoyle to just stay motionless as it had been when I said the past sweets. But, I was stunned when it began to turn and started spiraling upwards, bringing the staircase up with it.

Knocking on the doors, I kept seeing images of me being sent to Azkaban, and living in the cell right next to my father. I couldn't let that happen, I just couldn't. If Dumbledore had found out exactly what it is I'm trying to do, there would be no mercy from him, and Snape wouldn't be able to defend me because that would reveal his true alliance.

Dumbledore's voice was muffled through the heavy wood, but I'm pretty sure he said it was alright to come inside. Holding my breath and wishing myself luck, the doors were pushed open, and when I looked inside, I was shocked at what I found.

_______

**Mollie's POV**

I was beginning to feel lightheaded again. I put my hand to my forehead and plopped back down on my seat, just as my friends were getting up to leave. Everyone began rushing towards me when they saw what was happening. In my lightheaded state, I heard Lavender screech, "Give her air!"

I saw Connor's face looming closer until I became cross-eyes trying to look back in his eyes. "You're not going to faint again, are you Mollie?"

His voice seemed to clear my head and I stuttered, "Oh, of c-course not."

"What's happened?" barked Parvati, pushing her way through the thin crowd of people.

I held out my letter to her and she snatched it, scanned it quickly, and then gasped, letting the parchment slip through her fingers. Lavender bent down and picked it up, throwing a quizzical look at Parvati's now expressionless face.

Lavender read through it, mouthing the words, and then reread it as if it were a riddle she was trying to solve.

Once she had finished reading it (and comprehending what it meant) she silently handed it off to Connor, who looked about ready to wet himself with curiosity.

After Connor was through, I was beginning to feel a lot like a museum exhibit, what with all the stares of wonder and questioning looks coming from my friends.

"Alright, enough already, what are you three staring at?" I held up my hands like, _back off_.

The ever-practical Parvati spoke first, "You know you haven't heard from this man in five whole years?"

She said it like a question, as if I was too dumb to know that. But as I thought about it, I realised that was the truth. I had only been 11 years when my last letter from my father came in the Hogwart's post. But I didn't see why that mattered, I'm sure he had a good excuse for not communicating.

"So?" I asked.

She continued, patience running low again, "Well, I hope you aren't thinking of going to visit him!"

"Of course I'm going to visit him!" I said, like it was obvious. I mean, this _was_ my dad we were talking about.

I turned to Lavender, hoping she'd back me up. Instead she also let me down, "I don't know Mollie. I mean, why is your father choosing _now_ of all times to have you over? If he was a good dad, he would have written to you five years ago."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't even try to see if Connor would agree with me. He cared about me; he'd side with Lavender and Parvati on this one.

"Well, you all better quit trying to reason with me, because I am going to visit my dad this holiday," I said, to end the argument.

Turning my back on the three of them, I stormed out of the now almost completely empty Great Hall.

* * *

I stood in front of the Lavender's full-length mirror in just my knickers and an old white t-shirt that had a very old stain on the bottom. I had about an hour left until it was time for me to get to Arithmancy, my first class of the day.

Grasping my wand tightly, I mumbled a spell that would quickly dry the limp strands of my hair. Once it dried, the individual hairs began to curl on their own. I tried, desperately, to add heat to my hair so it would straighten. But that attempt was all in vain. There was nothing I could do for my hair, ever. Unless I ran it through with Hermione's Muggle flat iron...

My eyes glanced to the open doorway of the lavatory. There was light streaming in from the window, and I knew, just under the sink that her flat iron was wrapped up waiting to be used.

Of course, if I used it, I would have to make sure there were _batteries_ in it. I highly doubted I could create my own source of electricity at 16.

I grabbed the school's uniform black skirt, and jumped in it, and pulled it up quickly, without yet doing the button on the left hip. That was a mistake because as I tried to walk over to the bathroom, the skirt kept falling down, so I just began holding it up. I really needed to get new clothes...

I made it into the bathroom, and placed my wand on the counter, as I did the button on the wrinkled skirt, but only to no avail. The skirt hung very low on my hip and I sighed. I would have to mend it again this weekend, because there was no way in hell Mum would buy me a new one.

I crouched down and opened the cabinet, and felt around for the flat iron. Finding it, I sprang back up and started to examine it. I thought of the only time I had ever used it on my hair. The only difference was Hermione had been there to show me how it was done. I examined the entire contraption, looking for an "On" switch. Finding it, I flipped it on and placed it back on the white counter next to my wand.  
I stood, tapping my foot, waiting for the thing to start beeping, so I would know it was hot enough.

After one minute, when I was about to blow my top in frustration with Muggles, the thing beeped three times. I picked it up and held it in the correct manner. Slowly, I dragged it through my hair, watching as the hairs fell smooth and straight. _**It's a miracle worker!**_ I thought, as my anger with it subsided.

It took a good half hour to get it as straight as I liked. That was the downside to having long hair. There really should be some kind of spell that can be used to straighten it automatically, though.

I checked the time on the wall clock and gasped, I only had fifteen minutes to get back downstairs, when the final bell would sound. I rushed back into the main dormitory to the bureau, and opened my drawer. I frantically searched through my shirts, carelessly tossing the unwanted ones on the floor. Finding a clean white shirt, I stuck my arms through it and buttoned up the buttons quickly, not noticing the way I skipped some of the holes.

I grabbed the long black robe from my unmade bed and put that on also. On the floor near the door was my bag, I checked to make sure the correct books were in there and flung open the door and ran out.  
It wasn't until I came to the grand staircase that I checked my pocket for my wand. It wasn't there. It wasn't _anywhere_. There was only two minutes left, and I really didn't think I could afford to be late again. Instead, I prayed to whatever higher power listening that today in Arithmancy we wouldn't need our wands (did we ever?).

When I got into the room, I found it very full, and practically no seats left. I didn't like to be late for this class because I had no friends in here, and that meant I had to sit next to people I didn't like. Since Arithmancy wasn't very popular, these classes were a mixture of _all_ the Houses, and I was the only Gryffindor in my class who had Arithmancy this day.

Which is why my heart stopped when I looked in the back and found an empty table. Joyfully, I walked quickly towards it before anybody else would claim it. I sat down and put my bag on the table, taking out my quill and ink, while waiting for the class to start.

Right before the bell rang, though, I saw none other than the currently dreaded Draco Malfoy walking towards me, looking very glum. He sat down, scowling a little but I didn't give him the satisfaction of looking at him. He then pulled out his own quill and ink and a piece of parchment.

When the bell rang, our professor stood at the front of the room, waved her wand towards the chalkboard and informed us that today we would be learning about the Chaldean Method.

It was a really boring method that I could barely understand because it was so ancient, so instead, I found myself doing something I thought I would never do: talking to Malfoy.

"My Mum used to love anything that had to do with numbers. Even Muggle mathematics. She felt they made her sane," I could have slapped myself. Why did I say something so stupid! What did _he_ care if my mum was insane and liked to multiply five by six just like the Muggles?

I watched his reaction, and just as I predicted he sneered, but then he looked a little taken aback, like he didn't know what to say. Obviously, I had started a really uncomfortable conversation.

But what surprised me more was when he whispered back, "I like the way that when I'm working out the problems, it's all there is to think about."

I couldn't believe it! He felt exactly the same why I did! But, then again, I couldn't let on that I was feeling elated at us having something in common. I lowered my eyebrows and decided to ignore him, so I turned back to the front and pretended to listen to the lecture. But that's when I felt his hand on my arm, I shook it off, I couldn't have him touching me!

"What do you want?" I whispered passively, still not looking at him.

"You remember that night that we were in Ravenclaw and I got in trouble for, um..." there was a long pause. "...Slept with that girl?"

I was shocked, was he going to ruin my day again with his bullshit? I just said, "Yes."

Then, he said the thing I had only imagined him saying, "Well, I just wanted to let you know I really didn't sleep with that girl."

My heart was racing. What was he trying to tell me? "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"You seemed mad at me," I finally decided to look at him. He was staring at the desk glumly.

How could he be so daft?! He thought I seemed _angry_? He _thought_ I seemed angry? He thought _I_ seemed angry? Why are boys always so stupid?

Viciously, I whispered, "Mad at you? You thought for one second that I wasn't mad at you? You are so ignorant, do you know that?"

"Well, that night you let me walk you to your dormitory and carry your parchment," he said pointedly.

Oh damn, he had a good point. But I could not let on that I thought that, "Yeah, only to get that disgusting child Krieve away from me. I was humouring you Draco. I don't like you, so don't you get any ideas," I turned away from him, intent on not speaking to him for the rest of the class.

Draco was confusing me. Was I lying to him when I told him I didn't like him? Why did he make my heart race, and why did I always have the urge to talk about him? Or maybe I didn't like him, and he just made me so angry all the time that he seemed to be the only thing worth talking about.

* * *

Back in the Gryffindor common room, after the homework was done (well, most of it, actually), I was sitting across from Dean Thomas and Connor, watching the two of them chat about the strange disappearances of the Headmaster. I don't think the two of them ever really noticed I was listening; they were getting very in depth with their predictions. It wasn't until Harry Potter himself showed up and denied Dumbledore was doing something about _You-Know-Who_, that Dean and Connor were quite sure that that was exactly what the Headmaster was doing.

"So, Connor, are you going to that Christmas party of Slughorn's?" Harry asked casually. Connor was in with Slughorn's little gang at the beginning of the year, on account of his family having control of many obscure gold mines and banks in South Africa and also some in Nibia (which, for the record, is why they are so filthy rich). But I didn't know anything about a Christmas party, which only made this conversation much more interesting than the one about Dumbledore.

Connor chuckled, "Oh yeah, sure, aren't you?"

Harry grumbled a bit and plopped down on the sofa, sitting right next to me. I gloated and smirked at the disgusted looks of Romilda Vane and her cronies, who had kept a close eye on Harry ever since he entered the common room. "I don't really want to, but Slughorn has made sure that this time I will be there. I don't know why he wants me at those parties. I mean, if it's so people will know he knows me...well, it's obvious he would know me, he's my bloody Potions teacher!"

"Right," Connor said, taken aback. I knew for a fact that Connor found Slughorn's dinner parties actually quite entertaining. Usually, the following day he and Hermione Granger would be discussing them. "Well, are you going to invite anyone?"

In the chair opposite, Dean chortled quietly. Dean must think the way many of the sixth year boys thought--that Harry was just helpless in the female department. I didn't think he was, he chose to go out with Parvati at the Yule Ball two years ago, then last year he went out with Cho Chang a couple of times, and now this year there were rumours of him getting off with Ginny Weasley. He couldn't be too terrible...could he?

Harry shot Dean a venomous look. Watching this exchange, I wondered if the rumours were true. Dean _was_ going out with Ginny...

Or maybe it was Harry _liked_ Ginny. Girls acted in that manner all the time when other girls were with the boys they desired.

"Yeah, I've asked Loon-er, Luna Lovegood to go with me." He added quickly, "Just as friends, you know?"

Connor nodded approvingly and said smugly, "Well, I haven't even asked anyone yet. But I will, I will," he said, still nodding away.

"When?" Dean asked. "I mean, isn't that party tomorrow night?"

Connor looked bewildered, and then he frowned. He didn't answer, instead he barked, "Brown! Langston! Patil!" like he was ordering his maids about, instead of calling upon his three best friends.

Next to Harry I said gruffly, "I am right here you nimwit!" not at all happy about being called by my last name. I knew he was only trying to show off in front of the boys, he didn't want them to know that his best friends consisted of three very feminine girls (well, I'm sure Dean and Harry knew that, they had shared a dormitory for the past six years).

"Oh! There you are! Then, where are the other two?"

From the corner of my eyes I saw Harry turn to look at me like he was seeing me there for the very first time. Catching him off guard I smiled brightly at him. He smiled with a corner of his mouth, showing his teeth, and squinting his eyes slightly. The whole effect looked more like a grimace than a friendly greeting.

"What?" came Parvati's exasperated voice, who must've been just as annoyed as I was for being called by my last name.

"Where is Lavender?" he asked.

Parvati looked up to the ceiling, like she couldn't actually believe she had to endure this conversation. To the ceiling she muttered, "She is snogging Ron upstairs."

"So that's where they go, is it?" Harry demanded to nobody in particular.

_______

**Draco's POV**

Inside the roomy, circular office I found Professor Flitwick, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Dumbledore. I tried to think of a good reason for all the three of them wanting to meet with me at the same time. Maybe it was my school work. I was really falling behind on it all, and I was also receiving many more detentions and losing Slytherin many points.

As soon as I walked in, Dumbledore began, "Mr. Malfoy, I have requested your presence here and the presense of your teacher's because it has come to my attention that your school work is quite _lacking_ lately."

Bingo.

"Since we don't want to have you taking remedial courses next year, you will spend your extra periods in the library under the watch of Madam Pince," he motioned towards her standing off in the corner. I hadn't even noticed she was there!

"And during that allocated time, you will be studying and catching up."

I felt relief rush over my like an ocean wave. I didn't care if I had to clean the entire school by hand, just so I wasn't expelled before I could finish my job. There was much more on the line by not doing that than not doing homework.

"Alright, sir," I agreed. "May I leave now? I'm really very tired..." I trailed, hoping there was nothing more to say.

Dumbledore smiled and said, "Of course. Good day," and he waved me off.  
I turned around and threw open the door, intent on getting out of there as quickly as possible.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Where we left off...**_

_"Where is Lavender?" he asked.  
_

_Parvati looked up to the ceiling, like she couldn't actually believe she had to endure this conversation. To the ceiling she muttered, "She is snogging Ron upstairs."  
_

_"So that's where they go, is it?" Harry demanded to nobody in particular._

__________

**Mollie's POV**

Nobody spoke for the next couple of painstakingly silent moments. It seemed we all had something in common after all: the way we were against Lavender and Ron being together. None of us could really _admit_ it properly, it seemed.

Finally, Dean stood up and said good bye because he had just spotted Ginny. I couldn't help watching Harry as he followed Dean's abrupt exit. When I saw Dean taking a hold of Ginny's hand, Harry stood up the same way as Dean and muttered something about meeting Hermione.

Taking Harry's now vacated spot next to me, Parvati sat down. "Well, I wonder what's up with those two," she said sincerely...sincerely _oblivious_.

"Yeah," Connor wondered also, just as oblivious.

It didn't surprise me that Connor didn't understand what was going on between Harry and Ginny, but I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little appalled that someone like Parvati didn't notice either.

"So what exactly did you want, _Tuck_," Parvati said sarcastically.

Connor looked sheepish and stuttered out an apology.

"No need for apologies Connor, just tell us what you needed us for," snapped Parvati, still peeved.

Only, Connor still didn't get his question out, because at that moment, Lavender came bounding down the stairs, asking what all the commotion was about.

"Well, Connor was just going to ask us all something," Parvati glared down at him.

"Yes?" Lavender asked, her good mood not wearing down.

"Well, I was wondering if my three favourite ladies would escort me to Slughorn's party tomorrow night," he finished with a sly grin, looking around at all three of us individually. Only when he got to me, his smile faded off of his face.

"So you've _finally_ decided to ask us, have you?" Parvati asked, then agreed she'd go. As did Lavender. Now it was only my turn to give my consent.

"Oh, alright. It's not as if I had other plans anyway."

"Good," Connor smiled again.

* * *

The next night Parvati and I were running around the room trying to get ready and look our absolute best.

Lavender was sitting on the edge of the bed looking down-hearted and depressed, and was surrounded by an array of crumpled tissues. Her moaning and terrible heaving noises had ceased, but she was still sniffing every five seconds. If she kept that up, she would end up sniffing her nose right up into her brain or something.

Parvati and I had given up the chance that she could be cheered, and could only hope that she would forget about Ron not going to be there tonight, and instead immerse herself in a nice bottle of rum or Firewhiskey, and begin to enjoy the party. That was, in fact, the plan Parvati, Connor, and I had for ourselves. It was going to be one of the only times we could drink without getting in trouble. Lavender and I had finally found out the hard way that you should never get drunk in a public space and then leave the evidence out in the open.

After I had finished with my third coat of mascara, I ran to Lavender's bed and attempted to pull her up. It was a lost cause from the start. With me weighing so little, well, I would need some serious help.

That was when the first wave of reality washed over me. What a mess I had made of myself and my body.

"Parvati! A little help!" I was out of breath, not only from trying to get Lavender up, but from lack of energy over the entire day. I still wasn't exactly eating all that much. Today, when nobody was around, I made myself throw up for the first time. I just felt so sick of caring around so much weight; I had to get the apple from breakfast out of my stomach. Not much really came out though...

Parvati rushed over and got on top of the bed, behind Lavender. She spread her hands out on the small of Lavender's back and prepared to push her off.

"Lavender," Parvati whined, "Why do you have to be so big!"

Lavender huffed, "I can't believe what you've just said!"

I quickly intervened, "What Parvati's trying to say is that you are so tall and curvy. She wasn't saying anything about your weight per say. I mean, I would kill to have your body. So lean and athletic!"

Lavender just looked amused. Well, at least it was a step forward from the waterworks and moans.

"Now, you need to get up," Parvati finally managed to push Lavender over the edge, "And clean up your face. We have a party to go to!"

Parvati and I began to hop around the room like loonies, while also screaming like them too. It was only when Lavender finally joined in that who should walk in, but Hermione Granger.

"Hey Hermione!" I greeted as cheerfully as I could.

Parvati and Lavender gave her a fake smile too. Hermione fake-smiled right back at them. "If you don't mind girls, I'm going to get dressed."

She went over to the headboard of her bed and took off the dress that was hanging on the hanger. "So, I hear you three are going with Connor Tuck," she said civilly.

"Yes, we are," Lavender said airily. "Who are you going with?"

"Oh, I have to go with Cormac McLaggen..." Hermione said casually as if she was quite used to conversing with Lavender.

Parvati and I knew not to get into the middle of their talk. Because there was only room for one person in the middle of those two. And that spot had already been filled...

When Hermione had left, we decided it was about time we got dressed ourselves. I rummaged through the bureau, hoping I could find _something_ suitable in there. I was really getting fed up with the way I never had anything to wear. Compared to Lavender, my clothes equaled up to a quite paltry sum.

Instead, I asked Lavender or Parvati if they had anything to lend me.

Lavender threw me over a pair of cork wedges, with green straps, and then Parvati tossed me a pair of skinny jeans.

I checked the size of the shoe, they would fit; but when I checked the size of the pants, I knew I'd be a bit baggy in the bum department.

"Er, Parvati?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have anything in a smaller size?"

Parvati growled, and then told me to go talk to Padma. She was sure to be my size.

I hated talking to Padma. And I hated more when Parvati _told_ me to go talk to Padma. Parvati was so jealous of her twin, it was almost intoxicating.

I stood up, miffed, and said, "Fine! I _will_ go ask Padma!"

And for the first time ever, I stormed out of that room, intent on seeing if Padma really did have better everything than Parvati.

Only once I shut the door, and had made my dramatic exit, did I realise I still would probably need the password to the Ravenclaw dorms.

_**Too bad Malfoy isn't with me,**_ I thought sarcastically.

I opened the door and asked sheepisly what the Ravenclaw password was.

"Lapifors," Parvati mused.

"That's odd," I pondered. "You'd think the Gryffindor password would be something like that. I never knew Ravenclaw was so into Tranfigurations..." And quick as a wink, I got out of there.

I ran to the staircase and hurried over to one that would send me to the Ravenclaw tower.

When I finally reached the doors, I wondered why Ravenclaw didn't have a portrait if all the other houses had one.

_**No matter. I have to go find Padma.**_

"Lapifors," I stated, to the door. To my relief the door swung open and I went along down the corridor, looking for the common room.

It was almost immediately as I entered the room, all eyes were on me. A short boy with bad teeth and freckles all over his nose screeched, "What are _you_ doing here?"

I looked down at my scarlet and gold tie, the mark of a Gryffindor.

"Hey," I began. "I just need to find Padma Patil. Does anyone know where her dorm is?" I asked.

"Here I am Mollie!" a girl's voice that sounded too much like Parvati called in the middle of the crowd. The crowd parted to make room for her to come though. When she reached me where I was standing she grabbed my wrist and pulled me along, up the staircase I had been standing in front of.

When we entered her dormitory, I looked around at my surroundings: there were clothes strewn about everywhere, on the beds, the chairs, and the floor; it smelled like five different perfumes all at once; and make-up and hair products were scattered about just like the clothes.

"Jesus," I whispered. Louder, I asked, "Did Zephyr get angry at you all and come through here?"

"Ha ha, you are so funny," Padma said sarcastically. "Now, what did you come all the way here for? Doesn't that party start soon?"

"Oh yeah," I tried to remember exactly what it was. I looked down at my school shirt and tie, and then remembered I came here for clothes. "Well, Parvati says you are a smaller size than her, and I was wondering if you'd have any skinny pants I could wear. Also, while you're at it, a shirt that would match."

She growled a small growl and agreed. "Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much! You don't know what this means to me!" I gushed. She only turned on her heels and went over towards her bed, and searched through the mountain of clothes.

I stood waiting, tapping my foot, not really wanting to sit anywhere for fear of being rats hiding in this mess.

"Aha!" Padma exclaimed, and tossed me over a pair of dark grey denim pants in a size 2 and then a silky, black blouse in a small.

I managed to catch the jeans, but the shirt fell onto the floor. I picked it up and sniffed it cautiously. Luckily, it did not smell too much like moth balls or five different celebrities. Instead, the two items smelled more like Parvati. _**Of course Padma would smell like Parvati. They are the same person split in half!**_

I thanked Padma again, told her I would return them after cleaning them, and rushed out as fast as I could.

__________

**Draco's POV**

I woke up to the sounds of my bed sheets ruffling. I looked down at my body and saw I had no blankets. I looked next to me and saw a small lump, huddled in all my blankets.

I hate girls.

I was already angry with Dumbledore, with myself, and with my other teachers; now I had pent up anger over lack of, er, Mollie. I had known all along that I've wanted her, maybe even needed her, and yet, here I am, in bed with Davina Shaw. If Pansy found out, she'd never talk to me again.

I tried pulling some of the sheets off of Davina, but she was grasping them tightly, and some where under her body. So, I admitted defeat, and got out of the bed and went to the lavatory and peed.

* * *

"Five minutes!" barked Professor Snape, reminding us that we had five minutes on our pop quiz over vampires.

I looked down at the last question, "How many times a month must a vampire feed?"

I didn't know. And, frankly, I didn't really care. I don't think if I were to be ever faced with a vampire knowing how many times a month it liked to drink blood would be very helpful. What would help more was _Avada Kedavra_ or other defensive spells.

I guessed anyway and scribbled down, "Once a month a vampire must feed so it is able to use its strength to its fullest potential." I then rolled up the parchment and walked forward towards Snape's desk. He snatched the paper away from my hands, and didn't make eye contact, so I went back to my seat and waited for the bell to ring.

When the bell finally rang, everybody jumped up and hurried towards the door. They were all eager to get ready for Slughorn's party tonight, and this had been our last class of the day.

Just as I was packing up my things into my bag, I heard Professor Snape calling my name and telling me to stay behind. So, the two of us waited until everyone had filed out.

When the room was empty, Snape flicked his wand towards the door and it shut, and then the lock clicked.

"Come here Draco."

"Yes, sir?"

"This will only take a moment. I hear Dumbledore is making you work with Flitwick, McGonagall, and Madam Pince during your breaks because you are falling behind with your school work," he said.

"Yes, sir."

"Well, you'd better be much more careful. If you ruin this, you'll blow _both_ of our covers. I mean, I can't believe I have to place my trust in a 16 year-old boy," Snape jeered.

I glared at him, "Back off! You don't know _what_ you are talking about. If you are not careful, I _will_ blow your cover!" I threatened.

He grabbed my arm and shook me. It wasn't that hard of a blow since I was a centimetre taller than him. "Don't threaten me! I'm trying to help!"

"Whatever, I'm out of here."

I grabbed my bag that was resting on the desk and stormed out.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

The three of us descended the stairs looking to the best of our abilities with the meager quantity of supplies we had.

When Connor saw us coming down, he smiled and then looked at me. My heart lurched, and it wasn't because I wanted him to look at me like that. It was utter dismay at the fact that all our guessing had been true: Connor had always loved me.

I tried thinking of something brighter than a future filled of Connor. That's when the prospect that maybe Draco would be at that party. My heart leaped in a mixture of excitement and nervousness. Would something special transpire between us tonight? It was possible. I looked down at my borrowed clothes. The blouse was tight around my waist, but loose around my abdomen. I felt pregnant. Padma's pants were too baggy in the bum, but fit alright in the thigh. A bit ago, when I had first put on the pants I had stared at those thighs and wondered how a size 2 would now fit me. It was just a week ago that a size 2 was too big. Lavender heard my groaning and told me to get away from the full-length mirror or she was going to burn my hair off or something else equally heartbreaking.

I grabbed my hair defensively and told her to back-off, and that I was just trying to figure out a way to make my chest a size larger.

But, Lavender shot that down too. She said, "If you want your chest back, eat."

I growled and turned away from the mirror, defeated by my own body.

* * *

The four of us were arm in arm outside the door of Slughorn's office. It was Lavender who was linked to Parvati who was linked to Connor. Then, somehow, by an odd coincidence (or Parvati's brilliant scheming mind) I was on the end, arm in arm with Connor who had refused to say anything to me about the way I looked. But, that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Draco was there and he saw me; because now I was ready to admit it, I had liked Draco all along, and that I had faltered by listening to my drunken mum and breaking things off with him. But none of that mattered anymore. I had the slightest inkling that Draco still liked me, because of his obvious affections and- Oh, _what the hell_! Draco was obviously still in love with me. It was hard for him to hide that fact. Now it was up to me to let him know that I wouldn't mind starting where we left off...

So, as we pushed the door open together, united, I held my breath. It was either a lifetime of happiness, or a lifetime of ending up like my mum: drunk and hopeless.

The four of us gasped when we entered. The potions room and Slughorn's office had been removed of the wall dividing it, and all the usual cauldrons or cabinets of usual potion materials and been gone, only to leave a huge mass of people.

The four of us smiled. Now _this_ was a place where we could truly begin to have some fun, as if there were no such things as rules.

We did not separate until we had successfully found a very crowded corner. We plopped ourselves down on the old, stone floor. I could feel the cool stone through the pants, as I waited for Lavender to extract the bottle of firewhiskey, and her usual bottle of Muggle made whiskey.

"Honestly," Parvati retorted. "I don't see the reason you have two bottles of pretty much the exact same stuff. We're girls, well, except for Connor, and girls can barely hold their alcohol."

"Well," I used a, _I am about to make a good point, so shut up,_ voice and continued, "Firewhiskey doesn't exactly have that much of an alcohol count level does it?"

"Oh shut up," Parvati looked downcast.

"...And, Connor likes firewhiskey, and Lavender and I are partial to Jack Daniels," I reminded her.

"Oh yeah! So what am _I_ "partial" to?"

"Rum!" Connor, Lavender, and I chorused heartily. Then the four of us laughed very long and very hard until we had tears in our eyes.

Connor told us to come outside for a minute before we started partying too hard.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot," Connor said on our way towards the edge of the forrest. "McLaggen has been holding, but since I was currently broke he gave me a dime bag for free. I honestly can never tell the difference between expensive and cheap, but that only works in my favour because I get them for free."

"I don't believe you," Parvati said, non-plussed.

"Huh?" Connor was perplexed.

"I don't believe you were broke! You have more money than all the students in this school put together!" she exclaimed.

Connor laughed nervously and mumbled something trying to sound humble.

I stopped him, by slapping him on the forearm and held out my hand and demanding to see the bud.

"Well, let's see it," I urged.

From deep in his pocket he pulled out a pack of fags with two rolled joints inside.

"Mollie, you always have a light, take it out," Connor said, pulling off the plastic that covered the pack.  
I fumbled in my tote and found a light blue lighter. "I'm not sure how much liquid it has left though," I warned. "Not to mention it's fucking freezing out here."

"We'll live," Parvati said indifferently and made a grab for the first joint.

It was the first time since the morning of King's Cross that we had last smoked, and we were always waiting for our next chance.

The cherry was out when it was passed to me so I grabbed my lighter back from Connor. I spun the dial and held the small flame to the end of the joint and once I saw the tip glow orange, I sucked. I passed the lighter on to Connor, next to me, eagerly awaiting his turn like a five year-old boy, about to fly on a broomstick.

I pulled the joint out of my mouth and held in the smoke until I couldn't stand it anymore. I let it out slowly. A wave of relief washed over me and my hands started trembling slightly, and I could feel my muscles contracting.

"Remember," Parvati began laughing, "When we - first - had a - fag?" she said in between giggles.

The rest of us caught on and laughed also.

"What were we?" Lavender mused. "Thirteen?"

"No, I think it was the summer before Fourth year," Parvati paused. "Yes, I'm sure of it. I remember at the Yule Ball Ron Weasley asked why I smelled so revolting of smoke."

"I thought you went out with Harry?" I asked.

"Yeah, but Ron was there the entire time."

"Oh no!" Lavender gasped. "Ron doesn't like smokers?"

"Well, we can't _really_ call you a smoker. We're not, like, addicted," I said, trying to be of some comfort.

It seemed to have worked, because she started laughing again. "Mollie, weren't we at your house outside?"

"No, we were at that public access pool, and the lifeguards caught us with them."

"Oh yeah, didn't we decide to steal them from your Mum?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Connor spoke, "How come this year you never stole a bunch and took them to school with you?"

"Well, nobody reminded me, and I don't place my priorities in some cigarettes," I tried to defend myself.

"Right, because Mollie was the only one who didn't really choke, or sputter, or cough when we took that first drag," Parvati reminded us.

They all became silent and looked at me. "She is a natural smoker," Lavender concluded in the end.

Suddenly we all burst out in laughter at the nonsense.

"Who's up for some alcohol?!" I yelled!

Four hours later, the four of us were completely smashed.

__________

**Draco's POV**

I walked into Slughorn's office, hoping nobody would notice me.

I saw Mollie in a corner. She was doing some sort of swaying dance, and was laughing way too hard.

Slughorn found me and asked me what I was doing here, and if I had come with somebody else.

I didn't know what to say, he was obviously as drunk, if not more, than Mollie. Thankfully, Professor Snape came to my aid. He looked at me disdainfully and asked what I was doing here.

"Nothing, I really should be going..."

I ran out of the room, only to find Snape trailing me.

He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me into a vacant room. He slammed the door and glared at me menacingly.

"You are as dumb as-as-" Snape was lost for words.

I glared at him and told him to leave me alone. "I'm tired of you always getting in my way. I don't care if you made some stupid deal with my mother. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's _mental_."

"No, she knows _exactly_ what she is talking about. She knows that you can't seem to be getting one thing right!"

They were both right, and I knew it. He knew I knew it too. There was no denying that I was stupid, and it was a fool's game to continue.

"I'm making progress," I refused to admit I was losing. "And soon, I will have triumped, and my family will be saved!"

**Then wear the golden hat, if that will move her;  
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,  
'Till she cry, "Lover! Gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,  
**_**I must have you!"**_  
thomas parke d'invilliers


	15. Chapter 15

**Mollie's POV**

I hugged Lavender and Parvati tightly. "Remember," Parvati began with fake strictness, "If _he_ begins to get out of hand, _we'll_ always be _on_ hand."

I laughed and told them I'd be fine. I said an awkward hello to Padma and handed over the clothes I had borrowed. I then set off to find my dad in the crowd. It wasn't really worth the search because I barely remembered what he looked like, and Mum never showed me any pictures of him.

So instead of looking for somebody I couldn't ever find, I leaned against one of the brick walls and set down my trunk, and thought of this past morning...

_Parvati and I had been standing by the entrance, waiting impatiently for Lavender to finish saying her goodbyes to Ron.  
_

_"I don't see why the two of them don't just get married," Parvati muttered irritably, whilst attempting to scuff the floor in as good a way a person could in Jimmy Choo's. Only, when she lifted her leg, the heel accidentally hit the leg of a passing second year girl who started going having a nervy spaz._

_  
I hated little girls like her. I refuse to believe I was ever her age once. I glared at her and scoffed, "Why don't you and all your teenybopper friends scurry along before all the Chocolate Frogs are bought out, okay?" I finished with mock enthusiasm._

_  
The girl and her just-as-small-if-not-smaller friends glared at me, but I could barely tell, what with their heavily lined eyes, globs of mascara, and red powder that trailed down their face and seemed to also be a combination blush and eye shadow. Parvati and I ignored them, but they didn't get the hint. I think they were trying to pretend they had special mind powers, and were trying to intimidate us.  
_

_Finally, the resourceful Parvati said nonchalantly, "So Mollie, tell me, how _was_ Connor last night?"  
_

_Getting the hint, I raised my eyebrows, let out a long breath and said, "Well, _brilliant_." I turned to face the preteen prostitutes, "_as usual_." All of them opened their mouths wide in shock and ran off quickly as if they were afraid a boy would be trying to get to them.  
_

_"Ha. Ha." Parvati let out loud and slow, and then said spitefully, "Oh God! I _hate_ little girls who have no tits."  
_

_Before I could tell her how positively genius she was, I heard somebody calling my name. Parvati and I both looked towards the source, and found _Malfoy_ making his way towards us.  
_

_I sighed, and said more to myself, "What does he want now?" but inside I was squealing with delight.  
_

_When he got over to us he asked if he could have a word, and without waiting for an answer, he dragged me off, leaving Parvati all alone.  
_

_I was led all the way to the side of the Grand Staircase where he made me lean against the wall so I could listen to what he wanted to say. All I could wonder was what he could want to say to me. And besides, I didn't appreciate being forcefully dragged.  
_

_I glared up at him and demanded, "Well?"  
_

_He didn't back off. Instead, he came closer and leaned down and kissed me once. If that wasn't shock enough, he leaned down again and started kissing me, using his tongue straight away this time. I was so shocked for a couple of seconds, I just stood there dumfounded. It wasn't until I felt one of his hands on my waist that I came to my senses and kissed him back.  
_

_When he pulled away, I said, "So, was that something I was supposed to _hear_?"_

_  
He laughed and then asked as coolly as possible, "Are you feeling okay?"  
_

_"Sure...?" I didn't know what he was playing at. "What are you playing at?"  
_

_He ignored my question and said loudly, "Oh! Look! Your friend Patil is waving you over. You'd better get going."  
_

_Draco began to walk off, but before he could, I managed to grab a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back.  
_

_"Bloody Hell Langston! What a way to get attention!"  
_

_"No!" I stopped him. "Why are you acting like this? You don't normally act this out of character."  
_

_He let out a bit of aggravated air and said, "Well, it's _not_ like we're set characters out of a book! I can act however the bloody hell I want. Besides, I wasn't acting differently, I always act this way."  
_

_I shook my head, and said in controlled anger, "No you don't. I want to know what happened to the nice and sweet Draco."  
_

_He held out his arms like, _this is me_. "That Draco is gone. You should just accept that fact. He wasn't meant to be." He scoffed and continued, "Honey, this world is a terrible, horrible place, and in a world like that, somebody nice and sweet is never going to last!"  
_

_For a split second I swear I saw a frown cross his face, and he looked very vulnerable. Even more vulnerable than I could ever be.  
_

_"You know what?" I said, trying to keep from lashing out at him as I always do whenever our paths cross. "I have to go, and I hope you find what you can get in this 'sad and terrible world,' because you don't know shit. You think _you've_ got it bad? Maybe you should learn a little about me first...as a __**person**__!"  
_

_And without finishing my point, I walked away with as much dignity as possible._

* * *

I was still leaning against the wall, waiting for my father, for the next half hour. As I recounted that morning's events, I couldn't help but shake my head in embarrassment. My most precious wish had been granted: Draco admitted he loved me. Well, he didn't say anything about love, but he still kissed me. And yet, I started yelling and going on about him being an asshole. I don't even think the words I said to him made any sense.

I looked up at the clock beside me, wondering if Dad was late, or he just couldn't find me. The train station was beginning to clear. I was sure he told me he would meet me on Platform 9 3/4.

Finally, ten minutes later, a very tall man with thinning, curly black hair came up to me and asked if I was his daughter, Mollie.

"I guess," I shrugged, the man did look vaguely familiar.

He held out his arms and smiled, "Then I'm your father!"

I didn't go into his arms like he was expecting. I barely knew him. The hug would make things awkward.

"Hello, Dad."

He dropped his arms and began to swing them, pretending he didn't feel rejected by my refusal.

He leaned down and picked up my blue suitcase and said, "Shall we go? We're going to apparate back to London."

"Alright," and I fell in step behind him.

__________

**Draco's POV**

I ran down the Grand Staircase, intent upon getting one last word with Mollie. Even if she wasn't on my top priorities list right now, it didn't mean I didn't think of her. I had a feeling today I'd get a little luckier than with my past advances.

"Mollie! Mollie!" I called, when I spotted her standing with one of those Patil twins. I could never tell either of them apart.

When I got to her, I saw the Patil girl narrow her eyes and tighten her mouth.

"Can I have a word?" and without waiting for her to give consent, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her along behind me. I found a deserted space on the side of the Grand Staircase. I put her against the wall and told her to listen to me.

It wasn't until I really looked at her, looked at her with all her animosity towards me, and realised I really didn't have one clue what I was trying to tell her. What could I say? "I love you"? "You are the girl of my dreams"? Neither of those would work, they'd scare her off.

So instead, I went for the tactic that worked with all the past girls, I kissed her.

At first she didn't kiss back and I couldn't tell if it was her being a bad kisser, or if she didn't _want_ me to. I couldn't let my brain believe that she'd not want to snog me.

Only, sure enough, she started kissing back. I smiled.

"So, was that something I was supposed to hear?" she said in her calm voice, a grin playing on her mouth.

I said the first thing that came to mind, "Are you feeling okay?"

Oh God! I was an idiot! Why do I have to say stupid things like, "Are you feeling okay"?!

"Sure...? And just what are you playing at?"

I ignored her, the air around us was beginning to get uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say to her. I glanced around and saw her friend was waving to her impatiently. I acted without thinking, "Oh look! Your friend Patil is waving you over. You'd better get going." And I tried to escape before she could say anything else. I was _such_ a coward.

I was jerked back instantly, by the force of someone pulling me by my shirt. The back end of it became untucked.

"Bloody hell, Langston! What a way to get attention!"

"No!" she sputtered. "Why are you acting like this? You don't normally act this out of character!" she looked like she was about to cry.

"Well, it's not like we're set characters out of a book!" I argued. "I can act however the bloody hell I want. Besides, I wasn't acting differently, I always act this way."

She calmed down and looked at me disappointedly. A look that can shatter your heart in one moment.

"No you don't. I want to know what happened to the nice and sweet Draco."

I defended myself and my throbbing heart, "That Draco is gone. You should just accept that fact. He wasn't meant to be." I scoffed, "Honey, this world is a terrible, horrible place, and in a world like that, someobdy nice and sweet could never last!"

She cringed slightly. I felt like the earth had just cracked, it was all falling down around me.

"You know what?" but she continued without letting me answer. "I have to go, and I hope you find what you can get in this 'sad and terrible world,' because you don't know shit. You think you've got it bad? Maybe you should learn a little about me first...as a person!" she turned on her heels and walked away. I watched the frayed edge of her school robe drag along the floor. I kept my face hard and swallowed the lump in my throat.

_Traitor. Traitor. Traitor._

__________

**Mollie's POV**

The days passed slowly. The only thing I was looking forward to was Christmas morning. Dad ignored me much of the time, and my only contacts were the random owls of Parvati and Lavender.

Because I was so alone, I got to thinking of Draco. I wanted to owl him, tell him I was sorry. I wanted to ask him what he was trying to tell me that morning. But that would seem desperate. Boys hate desperate.

Finally, Christmas came and I woke up to all my packages at the end of my bed. I saw them there, glittering in their bright paper, all different shapes and sizes. I ran towards them and looked for one that was signed, "Mum".

But there was none. She hadn't sent me anything. I sat down, my bum hitting the hardwood painfully. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered now. I sat and stared at the bedpost, forcing myself to cry. I would cry, those tears _would_ come.

But they never did.

Back downstairs, I caught my dad just as he was exiting out the kitchen door.

"Where're you off to now?" I said suspiciously.

He looked bewildered, obviously he thought he could sneak off without me noticing. "Getting coffee with the lads."

I blinked, _now_ I felt like crying. Instead, I turned up my nose stiffly and went to the dining room where I sat down, lay my head in my hands and sobbed.

The rest of the day I spent slinking around the house in my pajamas, letting the brand new snitch _Draco_ had sent me lose, and watching it as it careened out of control and crashed into bookshelves, and knocked over lamps and other furniture. My eyes were still puffy, I hadn't bothered with a shower. I felt alone and abandoned. Not even the fact that Draco Malfoy bothered to send me something could cheer me up today.

I blared old classical Christmas records and decided to go explore the attic above my dad's room. I pulled down the old stairs that were hidden in the ceiling and walked up them, not caring if they were to break.

Death was probably more interesting anyway.

When I reached the landing, I whispered, "Lumos Maxima," to my wand, and the tip ignited, blinding me.

There were many cardboard boxes and old trunks; the usual norm in anyone's attic. So I thought I'd start with the closest box, and began to sift through all the papers, looking for something interesting.

At the bottom of the box was a crinkled paper, and I could see the outlines of Spellotape where tears used to be. In a hauntingly familiar abrupt, uppercase handwriting it read:

DEAR SCOTT,  
WE CAN'T CONTINUE THIS. WE CAN'T KEEP KIDDING OURSELVES. LUCIUS IS BEGINNING TO SUSPECT, AND I DON'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE A MARRIAGE FOR SOMETHING THAT MAY NEVER WORK OUT. WE WERE NEVER RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER SCOTT. GO BACK TO YOUR WIFE.  
SINCERELY,  
NARCISSA MALFOY

I let the paper fall, my body in shock.

_**Narcissa Malfoy? Malfoy? Draco's mum? She was the one my own dad was having an affair with? His mum?**_

I folded my knees into my chest, my hands on my stomach. It felt large and elongated. My parents were horrible people. My dad promised in his letter he cared about me. He called me his _beautiful daughter_. What was wrong with me? Was I really not all that beautiful after all? Had he changed his mind about loving me? Could anybody love me anymore?

"Nox," I whispered, the light left the room. And I wept, as the light left my eyes.

**wake me up, shockingly please  
i am not sufficiently shocked yet  
i don't know about you, but if i were to be reborn  
**_**i would still run to you**_**  
**bulldog mansion


	16. Chapter 16

**Mollie's POV**

"There you are Mollie," Parvati huffed, out of breath. She dropped her luggage which landed with a dull thump.

Lavender was just behind her, blonde hair disheveled and out of breath as well.

"She's been to see Ron," Parvati said, answering my questioning look at Lavender's appearance.

They both settled in and put their luggage away on the shelves above us.

When they both sat down, I asked, feigning cheeriness, "What'd you lot get at Christmas?"

Paravati answered first, "Mum and Dad got Padma and I new dresses and some books, money from the extended family, and random things from blokes at school."

"The usual," Lavender muttered, most likely put-out because the only guys who sent her things were probably just Connor and Ron.

"What about you Mollie?" Parvati asked.

"Money from Dad, nothing from Mum, the _chocolates_ you guys sent me, old tatty clothes from Nan, and asnitchfromDracoMalfoy," I finished quickly, hoping they wouldn't catch on.

But they were too fast. Lavender jerked up out of her state and exclaimed, "_Who_ sent you a snitch?"

Parvati seemed to have heard me though, because she said a bit nastily, "Why'd he sent you a _snitch_. That's just another ball for lads to play with."

I glared, and then pulled out the tiny snitch from the inside pocket of my robe. I held it between my index finger and thumb, showing it off.

"Draco, Lavender. Draco sent it to me."

Lavender got down on her knees and grabbed the ball out of my hand.

"So, is this, like, a brand new snitch?"

"Yes..." I said uncertainly.

"Those are expensive, Mollie. He obviously really likes you if he spent that amount of money on you."

Parvati was still slumped in the corner, jealous none of the blokes sent _her_ something as expensive as a brand new snitch. And, probably, that none of those blokes _were_ as attractive as Draco.

"What did he want that morning before we left on holiday?" she spat.

I looked over at her then, her arms were crossed, she was sitting up straight, and her right leg was crossed over her left.

"Oh, um, he just wanted to have a chat..." I trailed.

Lavender peeled her eyes away from the shiny, gold snitch and looked at me curiously. "That's _all_ he wanted? So what'd you chat _about_?"

"Okay, we didn't really chat, he snogged me was all," I finished lamely.

Parvati and Lavender gasped at the same time. "He _does_ like you, Mollie!" Lavender squealed excitedly.  
I couldn't help but smile.

"I saw you two arguing though. It didn't look like snogging to me," Parvati said.

"Well, you wouldn't have seen us snog because we were against the wall by the stairs. After that we began to argue. And I don't even know what it was about, so don't ask."

Parvati held up her hands defensively, "_Fine_."

* * *

_**Two o'clock...  
**_

_**Two fifteen...  
**_

_**Two thirty...**_

I was lying on my back on the old couch that had been discarded in the corner of the common room. I was waiting as patiently as I could for sleep to overtake me. But I just couldn't sleep. It was worse than it had ever been before. Had Draco received my owl yet? I'd sent it just as I'd returned to the common room. Was he eager to talk to me? Would he be so eager if he knew what I was going to say?

Counting through those restless minutes, I also wondered how he would react. Would he still be so adamant to speak to me? I knew my feelings weren't swayed by this recent development, but would his be?

_**Two forty...  
**_

_**Two forty-five...  
**_

_**Two fifty...**_

I fell back into naming off the minutes.

At exactly 2:59 and two seconds, someone came downstairs and sat on the arm of the couch. I couldn't see who it was without hurting my neck and I didn't really want to talk, so I just waited for the person to begin talking. I mean, I was practically an expert in the area of waiting now.

"Mollie?" the person questioned. Their voice was hazy, like the voices I heard back in the hospital, when I thought I had died.

Slowly I sat up and saw it was Connor sitting there. He was trying to keep his eyelids open, but to no avail.

"What?" I said a bit nastily. Not sleeping at all really toyed with your emotions.

Connor yawned loudly, "Why are you still awake?"

When I didn't answer, he continued, "Lavender said you weren't slept in your dorm."

"It's none of your business Connor," I replied wearily. "Seriously, now go back to bed, you look exhausted."

That word seemed to have been a trigger for him. When I said it, he shot right up and all of a sudden, did _not_ look so exhausted.

I stood up, not really realising what I was doing and walked towards him. I got right up to his face, as he was only five centimetres taller than me. He looked bewildered, but then, without thinking I'm sure, he just began to kiss me. It reminded me of the kiss Draco gave me before I left. Well, in that is was abrupt and expected, yet, not expected. It was very _unlike_ Draco's kiss in that as our tongues intertwined, I felt like I was kissing a dead fish. Well, what I mean to say is, the two of us didn't have chemistry. Sure, Connor could kiss, but I didn't feel a bloody thing kissing him, yet I kept on at it.

Still snogging, our hands found each other's and began to interweave and do their own thing. It may have been romantic if it was with someone I actually rather liked, but I still didn't stop here.

Even as we sort of found ourselves on the old, dusty couch, we didn't stop.

Our clothes were off in a haphazard fury, but, I noticed, Connor never took off his boxer shorts. I hated when boys kept them on. I mean, if I had to take off all my clothes, why couldn't he?

And still, as I felt the touch of Connor's erection in between my legs, I didn't stop him. In my mind, I didn't know why any boy would get horny around me. I was a wreck. I was the mentally unstable. The insane.  
And you know what? I didn't orgasm once. He did. He even came, but I didn't. I felt accomplished, while I could tell he felt disappointed.

When we were through, Connor was laying on his side, and I was still on my back (we were squished, trying to both stay on the couch), Connor said the thing I could've practically killed him then and there for.

"Mollie, I love you."

**Draco's POV**

After two entire weeks of solitude, I was really beginning to miss the company of my friends. To be completely honest, it was _torture_ living alone in the dormitories. All the other Seventh Years had gone home. But, I was stuck at school, working on my assassination attempt.

There. I'd said it. _Assassination_.

And considering it was Dumbledore, I'm sure it would be considered assassination. In fact, the entire wizarding world will mourn his death for years to come. I didn't see the point. The stupid man barely came out of his office. How are we supposed to mourn a headmaster who never shows his face?

At least Pansy had stayed after with me, trying to be as much of help as possible. And she seemed to be feeling better...not as low as usual. There were entire days where she would laugh the whole time. I was glad of that. There is only so much whining you can take. Especially when you've got problems of your own. When someone else is whining, I never seem to be listening because I am too caught up in myself. I wish things weren't like that. I wish I really was a better listener. But, as I already know, I'm not sensitive enough.

But when the two weeks were up, and the hundreds of students, faces flushed red from the cold outside, rushed into the school, I was ready to see even Harry Potter.

Okay, that was a huge overstatement. I am _never_ ready to see Harry Potter.

But I was ready to see Mollie. I wondered how her break was. Did she get my gift? Did she like it? I had no idea what to give her. She seems like a hard person to buy for. I had to choose between a brand new, never before handled golden snitch, or chocolates. I opted for the snitch. How many girls receive a Quidditch ball instead of candy from a boy? Not many. I was hoping she'd appreciate my originality.

Although I never saw her that night all the rest of the students returned, I did hear a light tapping on my window around midnight. I had been sitting, crossed legged on my bed looking over the latest issue of _Playwitch_ Crabbe had left lying haphazardly on the floor, when the noise came. I hurriedly shut the magazine afraid somebody was going to catch me and my chosen reading material. I sighed in relief and embarrassment when I saw an owl through the glass of the window near my bed. He was perched on the narrow slit of stone and looking at me expectantly.

I ran to the window and opened it slightly, hoping the cold winter wind wouldn't blow it open wider, and coaxed the owl inside.

I unwrapped the paper rolled around his right ankle and gave him a treat. He flew off right away without waiting to see if I wanted to reply.

"What a defective owl..." I said quietly to myself.

I glanced at the cream coloured envelope in my hand. My name was written on the cover. The handwriting was unfamiliar, and very messy.

I tore open the envelope from the side and pulled out the letter. The note was written on a scrap piece of parchment.

**Draco,  
It must be odd to hear from me out of the blue like this, but this is of dire importance. I need to talk to you, and that's all.**

**Mollie Langston**

**P.S. Thanks for the Christmas gift. Sorry I didn't give you anything? I don't really know you that well...**

My heart skipped at beat once I read the P.S.

**She didn't know me.**

_Of course_ she didn't know me. I was an idiot! How stupid could I have been? Not two weeks ago, I had grabbed her and just kissed her! I was a grade-A prick.

But then again, she'd said thank you. She'd decided to acknowledge I'd given her something.

I reread the note a couple of times, trying to read between the lines, and see if there was any obvious emotions. Was she sad? Angry? Disappointed? Or was she just passive?

I was eager to reply right way, but it was late and I didn't want to wake her. Besides, there was no way to send the reply up to Gryffindor tower, now that that crap owl had flown off.

Instead, I put the letter away in my top drawer and layed the magazine back on Crabbe's bed. As I layed down in bed, I tossed and turned quite a bit, never seeming to get tired enough to fall asleep. What was so important that Mollie needed to tell me right away? What did she feel towards me anyway? I thought back to the day in the library when I asked her if I could carry her books and she'd obliged. I remembered when we were walking up to her dormitory and how the staircase changed, sending us up to Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor. I pictured her face at that exact moment...annoyance mixed with amusement as she said, "This is unfortunate." I smiled then, laying on my bed thinking of her humour that wasn't really humour at all.

Was I mad to like her? I thought of the girls in Crabbe's magazine. I thought of all the other girls I had seen in my own life. None of them looked like Mollie. Mollie was small. She was looking better ever since her hospital visit, but she wasn't as fit as other girls. No other boy I'd ever heard thought being small was attractive. Being small meant she had no boobs, and she had no curves. Being small meant distant and depressed. If a girl was that small, she was literally wearing a bright flashing sign saying, "STAY AWAY!"

But Mollie wasn't like that. She was willing to except her problems. She looks better. No, in fact, she looks _wonderful_. I pictured her beautiful hair that reached to the middle of her back, I pictured her grey eyes that always had a misty look in them, and I pictured the way she talked with her hands. I pictured her face each time she'd gotten mad at me in the past year. And I smiled. I smiled throughout the entire night. I wouldn't doubt, as those thoughts mixed with dreams, that I smiled in my sleep.

__________

**Mollie's POV**

I couldn't bear to look at Connor. Why was I so stupid? I felt dirty and grotesque. This was not how I planned things to turn out! It wasn't like this was my first time and I had just lost my virginity or anything. No, Seamus already had that. But, I was hoping it would never happen again. But for it to happen with _Connor_?! That just took the cake.

I layed there--as Connor kept repeating my name, hoping for an answer--and had to choke back tears. I knew it was stupid, but I liked _Draco_, and I wanted to wait to make love again until I was married, whether it be to Draco or not.

But now it seemed my plans were all blown away. Besides, who has ever heard of _Third Virginity_?

* * *

By the time Connor had given up on trying to talk to me, he was already in a deep sleep. I stood up and left him lying alone on the couch. His arms were still positioned as if he was wrapping them around somebody. It looked sad. He was a very handsome bloke, but, he wasn't mine. I felt guilty. Was he a virgin? Had he just given himself away for the first time to somebody who would never love him that way? I felt it was my fault his future wife wouldn't have a boy who was whole.

I ran back up to my room and tried to get some sleep for the next hour until it was time for breakfast. But I didn't sleep. All I thought about was my first class of the day: Arithmancy.

* * *

I sat near the back of the room next to no one else, hoping once Draco entered he'd get the hint and sit next to me. Which he did as soon as he came into the room. He looked around as if, well, he was looking for someone, and once he spotted me in the back, he came towards me.

"I received some interesting mail last night about midnight," he said loudly, sitting down. Hearing his voice made my heart skip a beat. My legs seemed to lose all control. I was hyperaware of every movement he made.

"Did you now," I said casually, hoping my face wasn't flushed.

He opened his mouth to elaborate, but didn't get the chance as the teacher walked in the room and told everyone to find their seats, because class had begun.

Five minutes into the class a note was passed to me by Draco. I sneaked a look at him. He was watching the front of the room nonchalantly, pretending he hadn't just passed a piece of parchment over towards me.  
I knew what the note said without even having to look at it. But I looked at it anyway.

**WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAD TO TELL ME?**

I gasped slightly. His handwriting looking hauntingly just like his mother's. The same capital letters.  
I replied with:

**It's really a difficult thing to say. It's nothing good and I wish it weren't true.**

And then he said:

**PERHAPS IT'D BE EASIER IF YOU WROTE IT OUT. JUST SAY IT. IF IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH US, WHY IS IT SO BAD? I PROMISE YOU, WHATEVER IT IS, IT WILL BE BETTER ONCE YOU TELL ME.**

I read the note and sighed. I dipped my quill into the ink and poised it over the parchment, ready to let the secret unfold.

**you wonder if you are alive  
and you're not sure if you want to be  
but you drink her sweat like it was wine  
and you lay with her on a bed of blue and its awful sweet  
like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you**  
bright eyes


	17. Chapter 17

**Draco's POV**

It was a busy morning the next day throughout the entire school. Students were still a bit jet lagged (or, _train_ lagged would be the correct terminology I suppose) and all through breakfast I heard grumbles and complaints about having to be back at school.

I, luckily, didn't really have anything that petty to complain about. My day didn't even seem half as bad as some student's whom I overheard talking. My schedule was: Arithmancy, break, History of Magic, lunch, and then double Transfigurations.

During Arithmancy, I was going to be seeing Mollie and hopefully finding out her "big news".

In History of Magic I suppose I could always sleep. The problem with Professor Binns, though, is that he never engages us in conversation. From what I've heard, in _other_ schools, history (in anything, even in Muggle schools where they teach _Muggle_ history) is actually fun if you've got the right teacher. Apparently a good history teacher is one who does simulations and starts conversations with their students. All Professor Binns did was come in, talk in a monotone voice, put us to sleep, and then go back out the way he came in: through the chalkboard. I often found myself wondering if Professor Binns was that boring during life, or had death sucked all the fun right out of him?

But then, after lunch, I had _double_ Transfigurations. That subject didn't bother me much (unless we were learning about plants...) and the lessons were usually practical because we actually got to wave our wands around.

Pansy and I walked downstairs to the dungeons so we could grab our books for our first class. Back upstairs, we said our goodbye's and then she ran up the main stairs as I went into a classroom across from the Great Hall for Arinthmancy.

I entered the classroom and checked the back to see if Mollie was were she usually sat. I caught her eyes, she must have been watching the doorway for me. I smiled and headed for the back to sit next to her.

I put my bag down on the wood table and said, "I received some interesting mail last night about midnight."

"Did you now?" she smirked.

I was about to ask her what she wanted when the teacher walked in and told us all to take our seats.

Class had begun.

I tried to listen as best I could, but I just couldn't concentrate! What did Mollie want? I was about to die of curiosity. So I asked her in a note and passed it to her discreetly, still staring attentively at the teacher.

A minute later I received her reply:

**It's really a difficult thing to say. It's nothing good and I wish it weren't true.**

I wrote back:

PERHAPS IT'D BE EASIER IF YOU WROTE IT OUT. JUST SAY IT. IF IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH US, WHY IS IT SO BAD? I PROMISE YOU, WHATEVER IT IS, IT WILL BE BETTER ONCE YOU TELL ME.

I heard her sigh after she read it. She dipped her quill in the black ink and began to scribble her reply. It took her awhile, which drew me to the conclusion that it must be very full of emotion. Maybe she was going to profess her undying love for me? But I pushed that thought out of my head quickly, it was impossible.

This is what I saw:

**I visited my father's for Christmas and I took a trip up to his attic. I found this note that was addressed to him and it was from your mum. To sum it up they were having an affair during our first year, and the letter was your mum breaking it off...**

The scrap dropped and I stared at it as it floated down to the table. I sensed Mollie's hand on my forearm, but I couldn't really feel it. If Mollie was telling the truth, then this changed _everything_. I could never trust Mum again! And the fact that our parents had _shagged_ each other! Now what?

I slowly looked at Mollie. Her eyes were scrunched and she looked extremely emotionally drained and sleep deprived. What was going to happen to us? Mollie removed her hand from my arm, and I realised I missed it.

For the rest of the class, we sat in silence, neither of us knowing what to say.

When the bell rang both of us packed up our things and ignored each other. I didn't want to ignore her, I wanted to grab her and hold her tightly, I wanted to tell her it would all be okay, nothing bad was going to happen, but it really didn't seem like a good time.

She was walking in front of me in the corridor and would casually look behind her every few seconds and her eyes would flick over to me. I couldn't stand it any longer, I ran to catch up with her and I reached out to grab her wrist before she started up the staircase.

"Do you have a free period now?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes," she answered skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"Would you come join me, I mean, we have a lot of things to discuss..."

She didn't answer, just slid her arm up so both our hands were clasping. I looked down at her surprised, this was almost better than snogging.

I took her to the library and we found an empty table behind a bunch of bookshelves.

I had to let go of her hand so we could sit down. We stared at each other for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.

Finally, she spoke, yet very softly, "I've known my dad had an affair for a long time. I just never knew who it was. My mum never told me."

I watched her, she averted her gaze and then continued when she realised I wasn't going to speak just yet. "I'm sorry to tell you like that. I thought you might've known she had an affair. The note said-"

"Don't," I cut her off. "Don't tell me what the note said. I don't want to know. I learned today that my mother is untrustworthy, what else is there to say?"

"Oh Draco!" She wailed, still quietly--she had not forgotten where we were. "I am so sorry!"

"It's not your fault Mollie, you don't have to be sorry. We're in the same boat. All I wonder is what's going to happen to us..." Oh no! I had let it slip! The question burning in my mind.

"What do you mean, 'What's going to happen to _us_?'"

"Well, I thought we were starting to get back together on friendly terms," I answered cautiously.

She was quiet for a bit of time, then took a deep breath and began to speak.

"After first year, my mum told me never to look at another Malfoy again. I didn't know why. What was so wrong with them? Especially you Draco, you were wonderful," I couldn't help but smile here, but I still let her continue. "So I just listened to her and avoided you until you suddenly started pursuing me at the beginning of this year. Now, I find out the reason Mum hated your family. It was because it was the fault of your mum that my dad left. And then, suddenly, ever since I came back from the hospital, I've been...well...getting this feelings for you, but now I totally disgust myself, because what if you hurt me just like my dad hurt _my_ mum?"

I watched her and slowly she began to cry softly, only tears were coming out of her eyes. In her school robes she looked so small and helpless. I couldn't stand it. I got up and went over to her chair, pulled her up and held her tightly. Her fists were balled up and resting on my chest. She just cried and cried and I kept repeating reassuringly, "It's all going to be okay. It's all going to be okay..."

**Mollie's POV**

Before I knew it, I was crying. I didn't know it was humanly possible to cry this much. It took all my willpower not to make a sound. I didn't want Draco to get annoyed. What would he think if I was crying loudly?

I was shocked though when I was pulled up out of my chair and Draco's arms wrapped around me. They were tight, but they seemed to rest around my waist lightly at the same time. I had never been held that way. It all seemed so...nice.

I laid my head and my hands on his chest and continued to cry. I never wanted to leave this position. I could stand this way with him forever.

He must have had the same idea because he let me cry and get his robes all wet for quite a long time.

Soon enough it all started to get a little too romantic for me and I pulled away. He reluctantly let his grip on me loosen, but he didn't fully let me go.

"Let me go Malfoy!" I demanded.

He looked surprised but still held me. "Why so testy Langston?" He sneered.

"Shove off and let me go!" I demanded, not really understanding why I was suddenly acting so vile.

He let me go that and watched me leave. He had a blank look on his face as he watched. It made me sad. Did he even care about me? Or was he just trying to get into my knickers?

* * *

That night at dinner I was completely silent. I pushed the fish on my plate around with the fork. I couldn't take one bite.

Parvati stared at me for awhile, hoping I was annoyed enough to begin to eat. She just wouldn't understand. I looked down at myself and thought, _**The reason Malfoy doesn't like me is because I'm so fat. I won't eat for three more days. I want him to want me.**_

"Mollie, how about you try your dinner," Lavender suggested politely.

"Oh, for Chrissakes!" Parvati huffed. "Tell us what is bothering you!"

I decided now was as good as ever to tell them. I pulled out the old note and handed it to Parvati silently.

She read it, gasped and threw her arms around me.

Lavender then picked up the discarded piece of paper. She had the same as reaction as Parvati and flung her arms around me on top of Parvati's.

It was getting rather annoying, trying to wallow in self misery with two girls hugging me at once. I pushed them off me so I could breathe again.

For the rest of the evening they shot me sympathetic looks. What bothered me more though was that they didn't actually ask if I wanted to talk about it. I really needed a friend...

Needing someone to talk to drew me to the library again that night. I slipped through the shadows and entered and walked to the back where Draco and I sat earlier that day. Maybe I was hoping he'd be there too. I knew it was wishful thinking. He was probably totally disgusted by me. He never really loved me ever. It was all a joke.

These paranoid thoughts swirled around my head as I fell asleep with my forehead on the wood table.

I woke with a start hearing quiet creaks and the wind howling against the window. I looked around and questioned my surroundings, until I remembered...the library! I got up and ran out, looking behind me every so often.

Looking behind me as I ran wasn't the best of ideas for I ran right into something and stumbled backwards and fell right on my bum. I squinted up in the darkness and saw Malfoy!

I should've known he'd come. Most likely to tell me off about earlier. I braced myself, ready to hear his anger, yet it never came.

Instead he leaned down and offered his hand. I grabbed it skeptically and wondered what his purpose for being so nice was.

I understood just as soon as I was on my feet. Right as I looked at him his mouth was on mine and he was kissing me as if he could never kiss again.

My stomach instantly tied in knots and my legs grew weak. I kissed him back with just as much fervour, if not more, than he was kissing me. I flung my arms around his neck and splayed my hands at the nape of it, right on top of his silky hair. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I felt his fingertips on my ribs. I knew they were going to bruise but I didn't care. I was finally snogging Draco for real!

My heart continued to pound and my thoughts raced. I couldn't think straight. Was this really happening?

He stopped after a minute or two and just stared at me. It was hard to see in the pitch black of the library so he led me over to one of the windows where the moonlight was streaming in.

He sat me up on the ledge so we were now at eye level.

He leaned into my neck and whispered, "I was hoping I would find you here..." His breath against my skin sent a chill down my spine. I smiled at him as an answer and kissed the corner of his mouth lightly. He placed his hands on my jaw and began to kiss me lightly. I shut my eyes and went along with him. This was nothing like kissing Connor or anyone else for that matter. This felt amazing. I felt it everywhere and his mouth didn't taste just like a mouth like other boys, his tasted like mint and everything sweet. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me again like he was doing before. I loved the feeling of having his strong arms holding me tight and keeping me safe.


	18. Chapter 18

**Mollie's POV**

The months flew by, and before I knew it, it was already the beginning of June. Draco and I had been keeping our relationship a secret for the most part. The only people who knew were Lavender, Parvati, and Pansy Parkinson.

When I told Parvati and Lavender, you can imagine their expression. They were totally against it in the beginning, telling me he was just trying to get into my knickers, but as time passed, and we had never gone all the way, they began to see what was really there.

Neither of us had yet told the other we loved each other, although we both pretty much knew it. Lavender and Parvati were trying to get me to tell him one of these days, but I couldn't be the first one in the relationship to say it. What if he didn't love me? What would his reaction be then? No, it was best to wait for the boy to say it first.

"Mollie!" I heard, I turned and saw Draco coming towards me. He made his way through the dense crowd until he arrived next to me. He kept a bit of space between us.

"Yes Malfoy?" I said politely.

"You're not going out to Hogsmeade today are you?"

"I'm not sure. I've really got to study for exams..." I trailed in thought of all my exams coming at the end of this month.

"Well, I wasn't planning on going and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out in the common room with me," he asked timidly.

I smiled and wanted to kiss him right then and there. I thought of being alone with him (which was a quite rare occasion) and what could be done throughout the day the rest of his housemates were gone.

"Will it be empty?" I asked.

"Well, yeah," he shrugged. When I nodded my agreement, he flashed me a boyish grin and walked next to me to the Great Hall as we chatted.

Later, I turned to Lavender who had decided to stay behind from Hogsmeade also. "I can't study with you today Lav. I'm going to hang out with Draco."

"Oh, that's okay Mollie. We never actually made concrete plans about studying anyway. Have fun," she said absentmindedly, brushing her teeth.

I looked through the drawers of the dresser and picked out an outfit and a matching bra and knickers. I went to the bathroom and re-applied my make-up. I sighed in the mirror. The insulin shots were causing my pants to be a bit tight around the bum. Apparently boys like that, but I just felt completely overweight and ugly. What did Draco see in me?

* * *

"And here's my bed!" Draco presented his bed, the one farthest away from the door.

I waved the air around by my nose, "Ugh! What the bloody hell is that smell?"

Draco looked a little disheartened that I didn't have the expected reaction to his bed. "Oh that. That's just Crabbe. He's not the most clean of folks."

He grabbed his wand from the bottom of his bed and muttered a spell. Instantly, the horrible smell disappeared.

"Thank you so much. I was about to asphyxiate from th-" I was stopped mid-sentance because I noticed Draco looking at me in a way I had never been looked at before.

"What?" I asked.

He didn't answer for awhile...seemed to be searching for the words. "You...you...you are beautiful."

Of course I didn't believe him, but I said thank you anyway. I didn't know how to return that compliment. _You're so handsome? You're so hot? I love the way you look?_ There is just simply no way to describe a boy, no matter how wonderful and beautiful he is.

So I settled for, "You are wonderful."

He smirked, put his wand down on the nightstand, sat on his bed, and patted the space next to him.

I gulped. I knew what was about to happen. That was the point of coming. I wanted it to happen. I loved him. I had loved him for five years; I was totally ready for this to happen. I suddenly felt the butterflies in my stomach. I knew I wasn't nervous because it was my first time and I was afraid I was going to be _bad_ (because Seamus usually made a point of telling me how _good_ I was) but because this time it actually mattered. I was going to make love to somebody who really wanted to make love to me. To proclaim it. This time it was for real. This was no practice. It was a declaration of eternal love.

Yet neither of us had said we loved each other. That had to change. I was going to muster my courage and tell him. If he rejected me, so what? At least I wouldn't have gone through making love with someone who didn't love me back.

"Draco, before this happens, I have something to tell you."

"Okay...sit down though," he suggested. How I wanted to sit next to him and feel his warm breath on me; to have our knees touching.

"No, it's better if I stand." He didn't say anything, just let me continue. I took a deep breath through my nose and said it, "I love you. I've loved you ever since our first year. I love you so much...I-I would _die_ for you." And as I thought about it, I knew that was true. I really _would_ die for him.

He began to laugh quietly, then it grew into a roar. Was I being rejected just as I feared? Why was he laughing? That was totally serious.

He stood up and walked over to me. "I was just going to say the same thing."

I sighed in relief, but I still hadn't heard it from him straight. "Say what Malfoy?"

"Oh, you want me to elaborate?"

"Please."

"Okay then. _Mollie_, I love you. I love you so much I would die for you."

I giggled at the last statement. I suddenly understood why he had laughed at me. _**Die for you? How cheesy!**_

He smirked and grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to the green bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me to him. I was now taller than him as I was still standing. I was in between his legs when I initiated the snogging. It was still just as wonderful as it had been in January when it started.

After a couple of minutes he drew away from my mouth and went down to my jaw. He dragged his lips across the jaw line, and then kept on traveling down to my neck. As he was sucking on my neck he found my hand and he placed it on his hard on. I rolled my eyes. Boys were _always_ doing that, I didn't get it, but who understands boys anyway? He traveled down to my collarbones--the place I loved him to be. He spent the longest time there and was very meticulous, because he knew how much I loved it. By now I was becoming very turned on. This was the most wonderful feeling I had ever had.

I pushed off of him reluctantly and then climbed onto the bed next to him. He drew his legs up off the floor and got on his knees. He grabbed for the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up. I put my arms up to help him get it off. It was then my turn to pull of his shirt. I undid all of his buttons slowly, to tease him. He seemed to be getting impatient though, so quickly I undid the last two buttons. After his shirt was off we began to snog again, but this time it was better because it was skin to skin. Flesh on flesh. We both lay down on our sides and held each other as we continued to snog with intertwining tongues and all. We were close enough I could feel his hard on the entire time.

Eventually, I undid the button and zipper on his black trousers and he pulled them off himself. He put his arms back around me as to undo my bra. It sort of irked me that he didn't seem to notice it, even though I had specially picked it out for this moment, but I let it pass, boys just don't notice things like that.

As he flung my bra at the bottom of the bed with the rest of our clothes he gasped in delight at my breasts and immediately began to kiss them. As he was busy doing that he also pulled down my skirt and knickers at once. He eventually got off me and started to kiss me on the mouth again and stroke my hair.

I attempted to get his boxers off, but there was no chance of that because it must've aroused him too much, so he had to do it himself.

"I love your tiny body," he whispered sweetly, seeing it for the first time in its nakedness.

"It's fat," I whined.

"Shh, no it's not. It's tiny and wonderful. It's yours, it's mine. My body is also yours."

I looked at him in his nakedness and had to approve. He had clearly defined muscles and, well, other big things.

"Ready?"

"Yes," I whimpered quietly.

"Mollie, it will be fine. I love you." He kept repeating that, "Mollie, I love you," as he entered me. It didn't hurt like it used to. I actually enjoyed it. I held on to his hips the entire time and felt overcome with waves of enjoyment until we both finally orgasmed. We did it two more times after that and never took our eyes off each other through it all.

We were laying there for a couple minutes, my back against Draco's chest. His hand was running through my sweaty hair.

I turned around to face him, "I'm really tired, do you mind if I sleep?"

"No, go ahead. You're lovely."

"What?"

His face turned a bit red, "I said you can go to sleep."

"No, what did you say after that?"

"I..I said you were lovely."

"Thank you! You are lovely too." With that I kissed him right under his chin and stood up above him on his bed.

I walked a couple centimetres over to the pile of our clothes. I sorted through them to find all of mine. I put all my clothes back on, then handed Draco his. He put his on still lying down. I had to smile at that. When I got back into his sheets, he summoned his wand and with it, shut the draperies around the bed until we were shut away from the rest of the room.

We fell asleep next to each other, his right arm around my waist, tight on my stomach.

**Don't let your white dress wear you out  
Oh, honey it's the look in your eyes  
Oh, cause honey I can see you  
All my life  
I'd hurt the ones I loved  
But baby you could turn it round****  
**

the magic numbers


	19. Chapter 19

**Mollie's POV**

**BOOM!**

I woke up with a jolt. I was still in Draco's bed, but there was no Draco. I didn't dare check outside the safety of the curtains in case the other Slytherin boys were out there in the room.

I sat on Draco's bed for about five minutes listening to far off crashing noises, screams, and scattered roars. My curiosity overtook me and I had a peek behind the curtains. I was surprised to see that no one else was there. So where were they? Surely Draco would've woken me up if it was time for classes...wouldn't he? And another thing, what was happening outside that was causing such a raucous?

I decided it was best to make my way up to Gryffindor Tower to find out what was up.

The Slytherin common room was completely empty just as the dorm had been. _Where was everyone?_

I finally made my way to the Gryffindor common room without encountering anyone in the corridors, but out there, the sounds grew louder and some explosions vibrated through the stone walls.

The Gryffindor common room was crowded with students. Everyone was talking at once. I searched for someone who could help me, but I couldn't find any of my friends. In fact, the more I searched, the more I realised I was the only Gryffindor there my age. All of the rest were younger than me. I asked a short girl next to me what time it was.

"2.56 AM" she said.

"Thanks," I said, turning around and making my way upstairs.

In the dorm I looked through the window and down on the grounds. That's when I saw it...what looked like a huge battle. There were many people running around and jets of brightly coloured lights were being shot out of wands. The people were running around and trying to stun each other, some were even creating a neon green light, which could only mean the killing curse.

Were those Death Eaters they were fighting? Was everyone old enough to fight down there fighting? Did that mean my friends were down there? Was Draco? Has anyone died, and who was winning?

I felt nauseated and ran to the toilet and threw up. I sat on the cold stone floor by the toilet and listened to the continuous echoes throughout the night until I fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of skeletons.

__________

**Draco's POV**

I didn't do it. I didn't meet the Dark Lord's demands. Professor Snape, of all people, had to come and finish off Dumbledore for me.

Now we were running. It was all over. I didn't know _what_ to think.

* * *

"No Narcissa, Draco didn't kill Dumbledore, but I stepped in and did it for him," Professor Snape lamented to Mum, who was busy making a fuss over me.

"Oh Draco! I'm just so glad you're okay!" she cried and hugged me again.

I rolled my eyes and stood stiffly as she hugged. I didn't deserve this. If anything, I deserved to be dead. I was a horrible, cowardly person. It wasn't that I couldn't kill Dumbledore that made me cowardly. It was the fact I couldn't stand up to the Dark Lord _or_ my father for that matter and tell them I _wasn't_ going to kill Dumbledore.

Dumbledore even tried to stop me. He told me there were ways in which I could redeem myself. He told me I wasn't a bad person inside. And that's when Snape burst in. Dumbledore's pleas were what bothered me the most. He obviously really did trust Snape (I'm still not sure why) but then to have Snape suddenly turn on him like that...it was terrible to watch.

I also deserve to die for leaving Mollie. She was what I was worried about the most. After this, was there any chance of seeing her again for awhile?

I just couldn't believe I had just _left_ her in my bed. What if she hadn't woken up and the castle came down on her? What if she joined the battle on the grounds but she was killed? It would have been my entire fault. I just _had_ to owl.

____________________

**Two Weeks Later  
**

**Mollie's POV**

"I hope Parvati got home safely," Lavender commented, mostly to herself.

I didn't say anything comforting in return because I'm sure she did get home safely.  
Lavender was discussing (with herself, really) after the battle, the Patil's pulled Parvati and Padma out of school for the rest of the year.

We were on our way to the Hospital Wing. Lately, I had been feeling a bit under the weather and I was throwing up involuntarily in the mornings. Once I told Lavender about the last Hogsmeade trip and my symptoms, she asked me if I thought I might be pregnant. It was a definite possibility. Although, I would so much rather be dying than be pregnant.

We waited a couple minutes for Madam Pomfrey to come see us. When she did she asked in an annoyed tone, "What's bothering you today Miss Langston?"

"Um, well..." How could I tell her I think I might be pregnant? How would she take knowing that Hogwarts students have sex? "I think...I think I -"

"She's afraid she's pregnant," Lavender said.

"Thanks," I muttered unappreciatively.

"Well," she sighed. "We might as well try to use the Muggle test, come back with me."

I got up and followed her down the aisle of beds to a back room with a lavatory. She handed me a box and told me to open it and urinate on the tab sticking out.

I did that, walked out of the loo and asked her what I was to do with it. She told me to hold it and if there was a little "positive" sign on the screen then I was pregnant. She said I could go and later, I should come to see her and give her the results.

I walked back to Lavender, just staring at the small contraption. This would tell me whether my life was over, or it was all a false alarm. It'd tell me if I was about to be a teenage mommy, or this was all a big scare.

"Hey! Is that one of those Muggle tests? My mum used one once. She said it took so long to get the result," Lavender began when she saw me. I stayed silent, just staring at the screen.

Not fifteen minutes later the result came in.

**Positive.**

-THE END-

**In your tears and in your blood  
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing  
"I wouldn't change a single thing."**

coldplay


End file.
